HEART'S CRY

The boys got to talk to Joshua tonight.   Listening to my sons at home talk to my son away is the sweetest sound in the world.  What joy it is!!  I love how they pray for each other and cheer each other on throughout life~in the most manly way possible of course! All three are so different and yet so similar.  Different strengths, temperaments,  challenges, desires and interests and yet tied together by God to be brothers.    First all three had their beds in a tiny room.  Two preschoolers and a 2nd grader.  We would read together and then hopefully they would go to sleep.  Usually they were giggling and having pillow fights or jumping on each others' beds and always fight over who got to sleep with Buster.  By that time I was so tired that I'd finally yell at them to go to sleep...or else.  If I had it to do again, I'd never interrupt those times. Even the frustrating times as they struggled for their place in the...

  Today I'm thinking about what a blessing it is to be surrounded by my men.  Beginning with David.  The man he is now compared to the man I married is unmeasurable.  He was new to faith and had been beat up by life quite a bit.  He was unsure and unsteady in leadership and thrown in with this wild and hard headed girl.  He is the most intelligent man around and yet doesn't see it.  Steady.  Curious.  Musical.  Logical.  Artistic. Sarcastic. From our first  ministry and flipping hamburgers through many many odd jobs; he has had the humbleness and fortitude to provide for us and minister to his people.  Through thick and thin.  He is a man of mental and spiritual toughness.  A man who is faithful and loves his boys with a love that no one could break.  A man who has truly laid down his life for his family.  He does not waiver on his belief or change with every wind of doctrine.   That is wha...

Without hesitation.  My heart's cry today is to live without hesitation.  I'm choosing to live without fear and without doubt.  Just for today I'm living without hesitation.   Just for today I'm going for it.... without hesitation!!!

Have a little wildness in my heart today and feeling a little frisky.  The horses were snorting and kicking, the chickens didn't want to go back home and I'm sure I hear spring coming.  Shh... don't tell me that the weather is predicted to turn on its heels .  Today it is spring-at least in my heart!!

On a visit the other day, a little boy climbed on my lap with his blanket and wanted to rock.  And so... I did!  What joy! Just for today I would love to have a little dark haired baby Josh wrap his fingers up in my hair as he goes to sleep so I can watch over him.  Or have a little tow headed Michael climb on my lap to be wrapped up in his binkie to be rocked and held.  Have my Caleb jump in bed for an impromptu story marathon.   My heart aches to be able to hold them when they are hurting or sick.  Longing to draw them close and sing those silly songs. It is on these nights when I'm worried about my boys that I wonder about the heart of God.  As he watches us stomp away from him with the, "I'll do it myself" or "I'm fine" attitude while all the while holding his arms open for us to jump into.   Waiting for us to call to Him while He longs to hold us close.  He's waiting and willing to do more than all we could ask or imagine...

My heart's dream.  Dreaming about a spot of land.   Dreaming of wild flowers-bunches of color dotting a hillside of wild grasses.  A few pine trees whispering in the wind at my back.  Holding on to this dream as tightly as I can. I feel a deep connection to the land that I've never been able to explain.  It's as if my heart is tied to the rolling of the hills and moving grasses.  It is where I belong.  Where I am home.  Where I'm free.  Where my heart soars and my mind is unleashed.  My imagination can go with the wind...free.    Unleashed, unfettered, unlocked and free.

My seed catalogs are marked up and filled out.  I can't wait to have things green and growing in my little piece of the prairie!  And... I ordered Green Bean seeds.  This is a long story. I grew up where gardening was not an option.  It was just what you did.  My mom would  put up hundreds of jars of vegetables and canned meats as well as dehydrating and freezing.  One year, she was pregnant- which was a common occurrence and she planted rows and rows of beans.  If you think I'm exaggerating- just ask her!   She would have the guys drive the tractor in to "plow" her garden.  As the summer became hotter and she became more pregnant... the beans became our job.  Picking, snapping and canning... continually.  She tried to put up a 100 quarts of beans every year.  Beans were brought in and dumped into a HUGE cardboard box.  At that point, I decided that I was never going to eat, raise or can a green bean.  E...

Getting Real.  Realism is critical to simplicity, contentment, growth, change, and relationships.  It is much easier to focus on the circumstances, the excuses, the facade and what others should be doing then to focus on reality. Real is what is and not what we see it as.  Real is allowing the truth to penetrate those hardest part of our hearts and minds.  Real is the truth we do not want to face.  Getting real means vulnerability.  Real can hurt.  Real is a beginning.  A solid place to jump from.  Can't get from to here to there without getting real with ourselves, our God and those around us.  Today-My Heart's Cry is to GET REAL!!!

Passion.  "An intense desire or enthusiasm for something."  Passion fuels the fires in our soul and can energize us to live.  TO TRULY LIVE.   We live in a watered down, apathetic and "don't rock the boat" culture.  Don't Ask and Don't Tell is not just for the military.  Questions squelched like a wick on a candle being pinched out.  Hopelessness and Helplessness abound.  Energy for our desires and visions and dreams drained.  Someone has pulled the plug.  Waiting. Watching.  Playing the "Let's see what happens" game in life. It's a dangerous game to play.  Sooner rather then later the cage that we are in becomes so comfortable and safe that the door wide open to freedom is not even a desire.  Too much energy to walk across that cage floor.  Too scary out that door.  The cage is safe and what we know now.   But the door is open.  Fresh Air waits out there.  RUN!  Renew your passio...

A little panic filled my heart before speaking last night to parents of preschoolers in the public school and headstart.  Who am I to talk to folks about relationships?  Doubts began to pile up with rocks of regret.  Then... I shook it off.  Who am I?   I am an expert of the reality of my life and my journey.    I'm proud of my bloody knees.  Knees bloody and bruised from falling on them and then staying there in prayer.  My hands rope burned from hanging on to God with all I have.  My failures have given me compassion and understanding.  The grace and mercy given to me by God and those around me have given me passion to share.  My victories have humbled me.  My memories sustain me and give me a vision and a dream and a desire to reach those mom's around me. Lessons I've Learned. *Build on Strengths. *Accept myself, my husband and my boys for who we are. *Let go of unrealistic expectations *Touch, cuddle, play, hug...

I love my rocking chair!!  At the end of very long day....nothing beats it.  Reading, thinking, praying... When I was little Grandpa brought my mom a rocking chair.  It was one that would squeak with each rock and if you were not careful-would squish your toes.  Many times at night I would go to sleep to the rhythm of that chair as she rocked a baby.  And... since she had lots of babies- it was a constant comforting sound. My life was changed as I rocked my own babies those countless hours in the middle of the night.   Feeding, holding, playing and talking with my boys is my most cherished memories.  Exhausted, frustrated, and hanging from the end of my rope & praying for sleep.  And yet God really changed my heart in that rocking chair with a baby in my arms.   Intense spiritual, mental and emotional battles were fought in that chair.  Isolated and defenseless I came face to face with many demons.  Holding my babies tig...

Chaos.  Busyness.  Loud.  Pain.  Burdens.   Being someone who relates "from the gut" is a blessing and a curse.  Being part of a workshop on Trauma yesterday afternoon left me depleted.  As I watched from my perch in the back; the secret swipes of tears as the speaker shared; the heads down and those pulling in to themselves sinking in to the seat and shoulders sagging with some unknown shame or guilt- my heart cried for so many.  I wanted to reach out- to pat on shoulders and to say that it is o.k.  The cry for healing, restoration and freedom. Then my youth who are so full of life and hope.  And yet... I heard their cry louder then the teasing and laughing.  One said, "I am this way so I am part of a group."  The Cry to belong.  Cry to have something to offer. A mother lying in the hospital bed with a physical condition and yet the deep wound and loneliness of a wayward son- was causing much greater pain....

Crazy events in the world.  The contagion of fear is spreading uninhibited.  Fear that standing in a grocery store parking lot might be your last breath.  Fear for our security as we watch the world unravel and economy be set up for all that is to come.  Fear of what people think.  Fear of our own failure.  Fear of being defenseless, alone, without...  Fear.  Fear suffocates and imprisons us.  Fear is the the measure of our faith and trust.  The reality of our beliefs.  The true test of our values.  Fear leads to all unhealthy and can make us bitter, angry, sick in body and mind, defensive and walled in. God give me a fearless heart!  The one that I had as a child where I would run, leap, love, ride horses, and absolutely live with abandon.   Let my children say of me someday that I had a fearless heart and was a courageous woman.  Help me to guard my heart from the grip of fear.  May that little measure of...

I believe God created our spiritual hearts as our physical ones.  The well spring of life.  The center of our being.  The organ that moves and constantly circulates out the bad and bringing the good.  It is dynamic.  When the heart closes up- that is when death comes. When the spiritual heart closes- death comes as well.  Boundaries become walls.  Doors become iron locked gates.  Our arteries clogged with all of the junk of our lives.  Our hearts were meant to be open.  Open to Him.  Open to others.   Dr. George Wood states it this way, "He wants to open the closed doors that have walled us off into windowless rooms of forgiveness, shame and regret.  He is the One who opens the prison doors of bondage and captivity to sinful and destructive habits." God open our hearts to be open to all that you have for us.  "Open my heart so that I may truly follow You and become the person You intended when You beheld my unforme...

 What peace a dwelling place can bring.  Tonight I'm thankful that I have a shelter from the snow falling and the bitter cold of outside.  And my humble house is not just protection from the weather but it serves as a safe house, retreat, stronghold and meeting place. Nights like these, I ache for my boys and all that I want, hope and pray for them. Wishing I could wrap them in my arms and tuck them in and kiss them goodnight.  I long to protect them.  Pull them in from all they face and keep them safe.  Yet, knowing they are never hidden from God's presence is a great relief.   He offers a safe dwelling.  He is our dwelling place.   Thank you Lord that we will never go from your presence.  I praise you that my boys will never be out of your sight or your mind. "Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations.  Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to ...

Visiting with friends today and discussing what makes a difference for children and families.  We talked skills, trying this and doing that.  As the day progressed and discussion got deeper- relationships became the focus.   Interesting isn't it that relationships are truly about being.  Being who we are.  Being real.  Being honest.  Being there.  Being the same.  Being the person that God called and created us to be.  Being vulnerable.   Being the person you are where you are and how you are is reality.  Real relationships provide the environment where true growth happens.  Getting down and dirty so to speak is where trust is built.  The struggle and challenge of "being" together is where change happens.   So while in this crazy world of fixing, moving from one thing to the next, developing, planning, strategizing, building, framing, and positioning-take the time just TO BE.  Get out of the sha...