HEART'S CRY

Part of a message from the local memorial service but it jumped out at me.  Isn't that what life is?  A continuous ending and beginning; tearing and building; birthing and dying. It reminds me of fencing.  I remember taking wire and splicing them together to continue a fence line.  To connect the old with the new or repair part and tie everything together.  When the Creek would flood and we had to pull out wire from the mud and stand it back up, we had to find all of the ends and make new beginnings. Reminds me of the rolling hills of the prairie or the sandhills that I love.  Driving over one hill only leads to another!!!!  And another and another.... That is what I'm seeing in our lives right now.  A constant beginning and ending. My boys are in that state of constant fluctuation in their lives, schooling and career.   The Old blue sweetheart is in new hands getting a new break job and a new back window! Even in a see...

They were everywhere.  Whole families needing a place to stay clutching onto their suitcases and belongings.  Pushing and shoving each other to gain a spot in line and get out of the rain.  And yet when I showed them to their room and they began running back out "to grab" something.  The panic in my throat was suffocating. I was frantically running and saying...Stay put.  Herding them back to their room while bringing more in.  Then there were the animals.  The horses went where they were supposed to but the cats kept running in circles.   And the old man?  WAS JUST STANDING THERE.  Why couldn't they just come in and stay?  Why did they have to go back in the rain?  Why couldn't "I" get them in?  Why was the old man just standing there? Then I woke up.  Shaken and grabbing my journal.  Knowing that this was something God wanted me to learn from.  Asking Him to direct my thoughts I scrib...

My life has been influenced by stories. My Mother told stories.  As we drove she would point out family homesteads, neighbors, culture and history.  We teased her pretty mercilessly.  "Mom, is that a Swedish or German barn?  She has a sense of wonder about those who were before her.  She loves to tell stories about our family and after she came close to death a few years ago she has ramped that up!  I'm proud of her and I understand her more and more.  She took us to the cemeteries where she pointed out ancestors and link us to the past and we visited every museum and antique mall we drove by! Then David and I entwined our life's story and his became mine and mine his. My Mom made sure we knew the history and respected Dad's family and I made them my own.  Then I met my birth Dad and his beautiful wife and those stories filled my heart.  David's Dad and Mom has become mine through the stories, hopes and fears of their hearts...

"Soaring on Broken Wings" by Kathy Bartalsky A book I found on David's book shelf.  An amazing book on tragedy and victory through suffering.  Written in 1990 by a woman who lost two children and her husband.   Reading through this book left me humbled and thankful for God's amazing grace.  Elizabeth Elliot in her forward states that "miracle of grace that learns that suffering is something granted, a blessing, or, as she says "more appropriately an honor"-not meant for herself alone but, in identification with Christ and His cross, for the sake of the world.  We accept as common knowledge that God can save a sinner, yet we do not wholeheartedly believe that God can and will sustain a believer.  Here is evidence beyond argument of that might sustenance." Sometimes we want easy.  We can either trust or not trust. Serve or not serve.  Want to know Him or not.

Peace Contentment Stillness As long as I can remember this has been the cry of my heart In marriage With my children In my home In my church In my work In me I'm not speaking of settling or status quo It's not about giving up or giving in or staying put I'm not asking for an excuse to be lazy or unmotivated My prayer...my Heart's Cry is: To allow me to live life one day at a time. To be Still and Know that He is God and directs my steps To be flexible and adaptive to His leading within the day and within my life To have one main goal...To Know Him To absolutely and wholeheartedly trust Him But godliness with contentment is great gain. 1 Timothy 6:6 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. Phil. 4:11 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsak...

I'm not a "go with the flow" kind of girl.  In fact, I came into the world against it.  Other ways of stating it; stubborn, making things complicated, non-compliant, being difficult and complicated.  Going against the flow takes courage, boldness and thinking outside the box.   It is my greatest strength.  It is my greatest challenge. Paradoxically I've also been very sensitive and intuitive to undercurrents and natural rhythms.   Riding a horse requires matching their rhythm and joining with them.  Working with animals and kids requires it.  Natural rhythms and seasons were created for us.  For our health and our success.  As much as going with the flow is difficult for me; being aware of and take advantage of natural cycles and rhythms is a must.  Some Questions and Thoughts: What is the time of day that is best for me to read and the time best for the physical activities? When is the time of day to ret...

I'm sure you have heard it said that if you put a frog in boiling water it will jump right out.  But if you put a frog in a pan of water and slowly turn up the heat then the frog will stay in the pan and be boiled. Ever feel like boiled frog? Today I wondered...what are we doing to ourselves?  To our families?  Our churches? Our minds and bodies? To our spirits and our hearts?  More importantly...why?   We are running ourselves backwards. Where are we going?  What is the cost of our craziness? Days like today give me the quiet and space to realize how close to boiling I have become.  Having time without noise and without demands on my attention is divisive.  It divides reality from deception.  Divides real and fake; authentic and hollow; shallow and significant.   Spreading my calendar, boys' schedules and journal across my dining room table...I intentionally looked for places to carve out time.  ...

Have you begun your summer reading list?  Have you created a list for your children?  When the boys were little I would buy autobiographies and biographies to "have around" for the summer. Chronicles of Narnia was one of our family favorites to read at night. My list this summer includes many by CS Lewis.  My Beginning List includes some I'm finishing: "Pilgrim's Regress" * "Screw Tape Letters" * "Space Trilogy" "Chronicles of Narnia" "Mere Christianity" "Problem of Pain" "Miracles" "The Great Divorce" "Surprised by Joy" * "The Four Loves" * "Letters to Malcolm" "Jesus Among Other gods" Ravi Zacharius "Ragamuffin Gospel" Brennan Manning * "Ruthless Trust"  Brennan Manning * "Leadership Coaching" Tony Stolzfus * "EntreLeadership" Dave Ramsey * "Evidence Not Seen" Darlene Dieb...

My Heart's Cry?  To raise independent, insatiably curious loving learning, bold and godly adults.  My goal as I was handed those little (relative term in our house) bundles that encapsulated all of my love and hope for the future. When my oldest was born and I was twenty one I knew that life was no longer about me but rather about us.  Our family.   The future of this little baby was now entwined into mine.   Into ours.  Terrified?  Clueless? Absolutely!  Determined?  Fiercely.   Did anyone think we could do it?  Not hardly.  Most gave us a snowballs chance in you know where.  We were "poor" by all economical standards.  David and I had determined several things before our children were born. 1.  We would stick it out to the end. 2.  We would read to them everyday right away so they had a love of learning. 3.  We would pray, work, strive and do whatever it took. 4.  We...

Finally...I went to the greenhouse!  One of my favorite places to go.  Magical places where plants reach out to me as I walk down the aisles!  It is almost as if they are jumping right into my arms!  Touching various textures of velvet, hairy, smooth and delicate.  Sensory buffet of smells from the sweet, sharp and the musty smell of potting soil mixing together in amazing harmony! With my bounty of found treasure I carry my package with great care to the car and then to my shed.  Tomorrow, I tell myself.  Tomorrow I will plant them.....but then I see that empty pot.  O.k. just one.  I'll just plant one tonight. The vines have covered my livestock panels creating a beautiful green wall over the dilapidated fence.  My butterfly bush, Russian sage and other plants are knee high.  Day lillies and hostas are competing for attention.  A respite in my yard. But it is not just me.  Our brains are wired to need g...

My family is a picture of God's Grace at work in broken people.  Many of our family joined us to celebrate our son's graduation.  Between times of panic and "deer in the headlight" moments...I was overwhelmed by humbleness and gratitude.   Amazing Grace. Our family could be called messed up, dysfunctional or whatever fad term of the day.  And yet, God chose out of brokenness to put together a family.  A piece of art!  Rough individual pieces placed into order.  Where hearts are mended and wounds cleansed and restored.  Where the weak are strong.  Where grace, unconditional love and acceptance heal and unite and memories are made through stories and laughter.   Amazing Grace~How Sweet The Sound! Having my Mom, Dad I grew up with, Birth Dad and wife and sisters all together with David's family was a perfect picture of God's Amazing Grace.  Could my "Bible Thumper" Grandpa have seen that his son's daughter ...

My second son, Michael graduates Saturday and I am looking forward to seeing family and friends as we come together to celebrate his achievement and hard work for the past twelve years. This morning I'm thinking of all of the people who have impacted his life in big or small ways.  Help me focus on what is important! 1.  Joshua.  His big brother.  Together they grew up sticking together through very tough times in our family's life.  Read together, played together and fought together.  Such different people and yet so not. 2.  Caleb.  His little brother.  His first fan and follower.  From traveling basketball, baseball and football to High School football and wrestling.  Caleb watches closely.  Faithfully following this big brother. 3.  David.  His Dad.  His Sunday afternoon movie/football game partner.  His sounding board.  His leader. 4.  Oreo, Buster and Frosty.  O.k. t...

Tree Suckers.  Those annoying little trees popping up on the base of your big tree or along it's roots?  Did you know that most trees (there are a few who do it just because) only send out suckers when they are stressed?   It is a symptom or a sign that something is not right with the tree and it is trying to get something going wherever it can.   Maybe if it puts up all of these little trees then it will get the air, water etc that it is needing.  It helps us analyze and fix. This is just one of its symptoms of stress.  If a tree is under stress then it is susceptible to injury and disease.  Can you imagine yourself as a tree?  O.k. I have not lost it and being all weird or anything.  What might be the signs and symptoms that you might be putting out? Any suckers, cracks or disease? Maybe God made plants and animals to teach us about ourselves, people and Him!  I have some injury to my stress system ...