HEART'S CRY

This week has left me broken hearted and angry.   This week left me full of hope and joy! "Nobody cares about anyone in today's culture." "I drove around for twenty hours.  Where were my parents?  Asleep or drunk." "I just wish she would text me.  I'm her daughter.  I want to know she cares where I am and if I'm o.k." "I'm alone all weekend while Mom sees her boyfriend.  I don't have a home anymore.  I'm last." "I called you because I know you will worry about me." "She doesn't stand up for me.  I'm too much work." "I just want to be listened to.   You know eyes on me and ears on me.  Not on TV or their hobbies." For some of our youth, they feel abandoned by those people in their lives that should never let go.  Yes, they are teenagers and close to grown up.  That is the key word.  They are NOT grown ups! And yet they are alone.   Alone in their homes.  Alone in their hea...

JOY is an amazing gift from God.  Joy that is above all circumstances, feelings and situations.  Joy unspeakable and full of glory! JOY knowing that God is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do. And sometimes my brain gets all out of wack.  The processing slow and confused.  The wires seemed to be crossed and it freezes and it gets stuck. Time for a Reboot.  Clear the cache.  Clear the default settings.  Restart. Set the default for Joy!! Joy Through Circumstance. Joy Through Routine. Joy Through Daily Lives!! Joy That is My Strength! Joy For Focus!

Brain fog is a great way to describe the feelings of disassociation or the pulling away that can happen with PTSD or a coping mechanism when under stress.  This term explained to me by a friend in describing how she feels when overloaded.  Her brain gets in a fog and she is just there. So as in all things, I googled it.  WOW.  Did I open a can of worms.  Brain fog can be medical, nutritional, cognitive, stress related and even lack of zin, according to one sight.  Too much protein, not enough, copper or food allergies, lead paint, diseases and developmental disability or a result of drug use.   O.k. enough of that.  I get what she is describing.  It is a way of avoiding.  Overload of stress, anxiety, sensory input and exhaustion. In a gardening context, it is when the soil has become compacted and nutrients, water or oxygen cannot get to where it needs to go.  It is pressed, pressured, overloaded....  Try pl...

Tragedy, loss and heartache has hit. For some of us these things hit very close to home.  We might already be raw from our loss or grieving.  For a few, this grief unearths another layer of infected wounds that has to be dealt with. My friends wi th anxiety or depression or unresolved loss...are raw already. Each of us process and walk through grief in our way and our own time.  I want to rip off the scab and jump right in the middle of it.  My husband has to hold his and turn it in his hands over and over until he can let it go. Grief is a natural process that God has created for us I believe.  Denying it or hiding it or ignoring it will never help.  It is exhausting and draining and totally takes us off balance. Off balance is a great place to be no matter how uncomfortable or dizzy it makes us.  This is where we reach out and find God's hand waiting for us. Even in our grief, we are responsible for ourselves. My simple and practical ad...

My little community has suffered another blow to its heart.   This week we have celebrated the short life of a baby whose personality endeared her to so many.  Her very young parents grieved loss at so many levels.   Today a young woman in our community was killed in a wreck and stepped foot into eternity leaving her parents, siblings, friends and community in shock.  I'm at a loss. The young woman whose divorce is final this week is suffering a deep loss. I think of the sweet young Mom, I met today, whose son was born with a disability cr ying tears of loss and worry.  Raw and ragged. Wou nded.  Broken.  Devastated.  Exhausted.  Worried and Anxious.   Fearful.    Stripped. And yet...we cling to Hope. Still...we hope. While we grieve...w e hope. Always...we will HOPE!  What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against ...

As I gathered at a different kind of santuary over a different sort of meal and an altar that is typically used as a table...I came face to face this morning with truth and with grace in full measure. I was pouring out my heart of frustration and anger until finally, the truth of my condemnation and unforgiveness and pride poured out upon the table.  And I was called on it.  "You have a spirit of condemnation right now," my friend simply stated.  "So you are saying it but are you living it," another said when I explained that I knew what I was feeling was wrong and needed changed. As we know, out of the heart a mouth speaks and my mouth was spewing truth that I could not and did not want to Christianize.  I was angry, hurt, frustrated and holding a grudge and judgement and my own self-righteous pride.  Usually a positive person-this spewing from a cavity far within my depths was a surprise to me.   It surprised me because I am so good at...

If I had to count the number of times I apologize in a day...it would be ridiculous. If someone is mad, I'm sorry.  If someone is having a temper tantrum because I've asked them to help, I'm sorry. "I'm sorry," for talking to much and "sorry" for not talking.  I'm sorry for saying what is in my heart and then sorry for being sorry. "I'm sorry," fo r making you uncomfortable, mad, nervous, sad ... No wonder I'm such a sorry tired mess!!! I recognize the difference between taking responsibility for my life's decisions, actions and success or failure.  When I need to apologize...I will. However........ I will no longer BE an apology. "The rise and fall of my emotional tide will not deter me from my course.  When I make a decision, I will stand behind it.  My energy will go into making the decision.  I will waste none on second thoughts.  My life will not be an apology.  It will be a st...

If I had to count the number of times I apologize in a day...it would be ridiculous. If someone is mad, I'm sorry.  If someone is having a temper tantrum because I've asked them to help, I'm sorry. "I'm sorry," for talking to much and "sorry" for not talking.  I'm sorry for saying what is in my heart and then sorry for being sorry. "I'm sorry," fo r making you uncomfortable, mad, nervous, sad ... No wonder I'm such a sorry tired mess!!! I recognize the difference between taking responsibility for my life's decisions, actions and success or failure.  When I need to apologize...I will. However........ I will no longer BE an apology. "The rise and fall of my emotional tide will not deter me from my course.  When I make a decision, I will stand behind it.  My energy will go into making the decision.  I will waste none on second thoughts.  My life will not be an apology.  It will be a statemen...

Have you ever had that experience where you speak and people just stare at you?  It happened again today.    A speaker sharing cutting edge strategies for helping young people inspired me and I shared how I saw the connection to a youth group that I'm part of.  Out of the corner of my eye-I caught the rolling of the eye of someone I respect.  At first, I wanted to cower and shut up.  Then I thought... And adults wonder why it is so difficult for kids to look them in the eye!  Maybe it is because they are avoiding that look of annoyance and disdain and what they might read there.  Looking at disproving adults reflects back a rejection of their ideas and their personhood.  Why be authentic and take risks? Many of our kids, youth and yes, even adults relate by gut.   By feel.  While they might not understand what in the world your grimace means, they do feel your discomfort and judgement.  I believe th...

   Slow down.  Think it through.  Sit down.  Stop.  "Now is that realistic?"  Don't make rash decisions.  Disruptive.  Don't question.  Interruptions.  Don't mess with the status quo.      "That is beyond your reading level, grade level, job title or lettering behind your name.  You can't know that...you are not...."  "You are not a......" Fill in the blanks. We do it all the time.  Tell the young what they can't do.  Tell those pushing agains t the boundaries and the envelopes what they can't do.   I am now stuck with wondering how many rows of "could have beens" fill the storage "of the place that never was" of heaven.   What could have been if I had not allowed circumstance and others' opinion of me detour me?   "...In the game of life, nothing is less important than the score at halftime. The tragedy of life is not that man loses, but that he almos...

Sometimes a girl just gets emotional. A young couple who means a lot to her, lost their premature baby girl. Her big son's picture with his beautiful girlfriend pops up on facebook and I long to touch his face. Her middle son is coming home for spring break...soon. Her baby isn't a baby and is in the hybernate, come out and go back to the cave mode. Her husband found out his back problems are very real and will be lifelong and is...just grumpy. She ate too many cookies that the youngest son made from scratch and are delicious. She spent money she didn't have. She feels unsett led at work and not very successful in other areas of her life at this moment. A desperate longing to be held fills her heart.    This emotional girl needs to change perspective, confess pride, repent of fear & control, give forgiveness and ask for an extra measure of the faith to trust in her very big God. "Surrender, daughter," I hear ...

Perspective for a new journey.  Or, for l iving as a called woman.  Basically, everything we do in life requires the ability to expand perspective.   So what is perspective and how does it impact my future? Various dictionaries define it as a view. A mental outlook. Appearance of objects in depth... The relationship aspects of a subject to each other and to a whole:  a perspective of history ... A point of view. The ability to perceive things in their actual interrelations or comparative importance.  Middle English perspectyf, from Medieval Latin perspectivum, from neuter of perspectivus of sight, optical, from Latin perspectus, past participle of perspicere to look through, see clearly, from per- through + specere to look — T he technique or process of representing on a plane or curved surface the spatial relation of objects as they might appear to the eye A picture in perspective T he interrelation in which...

Expose the W eakness Reveal Uncover Open up Display Lift the lid Take the risk Take responsibility Be vulnerable Be open Get real Be truthful Get honest Open up Stop the excuses Unmask Undress Break Free Rely on Him Let it All Go Heal Build Community Hope Through Him,  In Him,  Because of Him,  Only Him...  

Whatever the journey; wherever the path might go...  God is going first! "God is ahead of you.  You might not see the path.  It might be overgrown and hidden.  Don't you see?  God is ahead of you...with a machete, clearing the path so you can see the way." P. Dave

I am sad.  And a little mad.  Lots confused.  Maybe...shocked.  When I see the church pass judgement and put expectations on people...I am very very sad.  All this does is push people away from us and turn them away from God.  Humiliate, shame and embarrass them. We who know God's grace and mercy should be the first to extend it to others.  Am thinking that there was a story about this in the Bible somewhere.  Hmmmm.... The rich man was forgiven gobs and then throws a servant in jail for not paying him back a little?  What is up with that?  And yet...how quickly I forget. Or what about where Jesus sat BESIDE the prostitute at the well?  I'm not for sure but I think He accepted her as she was AND still gave her living water. When we forget our own brokenness and shun the brokenness of others, then we are FAR from Jesus in my opinion. I believe with all of my heart that if Jesus was physically walking around this ea...

I'm glad it is Saturday!   This Saturday finds me sitting down on a boulder beside the path of this journey to health and weight loss .   This is not a journey is not one t o r un haphazardly.    A ccommodations need made now.   1.  It is going to take a TON of energy.   2.  I have to carve out time on my schedule . 3. D ump baggage and p erceived responsibility load . 4.  Reduce stress and relax.  5.  This has to be a top priority.   1.  BUILDING UP STEAM 2.  CARVE OUT TIME  ON SCHEDULE  3.  DUMP BAGGAGE AND PERCEIVED RESPONSIBILITY LOAD 4.  REDUCE STRESS AND RELAX 5.  MAKE A PRIORITY