HEART'S CRY

I have a heart for the persecuted and for the martyr.   Movies like "Brave Heart" stir up a fire within me that makes me want to yell, "Freedom!"   To die for a cause and for a reason.   To live and die so that others will be able to say, "Wow, their life meant something."  People with fortitude and grit and dedication, even to death, inspire me.   Please know that I am not minimizing the martyr by any means. It is the boring, mundane and unsung life that frightens me.   What if my entire life consists of standing on the land that God called me to stand?  What if I'm only a wife and a mother?  What if I'm only a Pastor's wife or a teacher? What about the slow martyrs?  Those faithful and dedicated and unsung martyrs.  The faithful saints who sacrifice their health and life for the work they believe in?  Great and noble men and women who lay themselves on the altar.  This thoug...

This weekend we celebrated a "Celebration of Life" for my Mother-in-Law.  A coming together of family to honor her in the cemetery and lay her beside her Mother and her sister.   We know her soul and mind were freed from her body, the moment she passed away.  Having a time to recognize that is a very important step of healing and one we had waited seven months for.   Her wishes were to have her celebration in the summer to make sure the "boys" didn't miss a day of school on her behalf. She would have smiled and teared up if she could have seen her children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews and great nieces and nephews sitting around a table laughing and sharing memories.   Then we had a party!  Pink tablecloths, her beautiful flower arrangements brought from home, fried chicken and cake and family and friends.  Sharing stories and listening to others tell theirs helped us all grasp the enormity of a legacy left by a littl...

  Surrender is a very dangerous activity.   Giving up control and agenda almost impossible.  Surrender during a time of vulnerability and stress is even more scary. And yet...when we do, surrender, the most amazing freedom and peace comes from being in His hands. To be still and Be with Him and know that He is God and we are not.  The holding on and letting go.  The surrender and the growing and the knowing.  Through it all, God can be trusted to be who He said He would be and do in our lives.  This is what life is all about.  Consider the following poem my husband read at his Mom's funeral yesterday: Birth is a beginning And death a destination But life is a journey A going-a growing From state to stage from childhood to maturity And youth to age. From innocence to awareness And ignorance to knowing; From fooolishness to discretion And then perhaps, to wisdom. From weakness to strength Or stren...

They get so sick of it; these independent young men of mine.  "Just touching base," I text them.  "I love you," is messaged.  "Thinking of you," and finally, "Call your MOM!" We are simply hardwired for connection and relationship.  I believe that God gave Moms and Grandmas an extra "connection" organ...just to keep us all together. This weekend, we go to celebrate the life of my Mother in Law and friend.  I miss her.  I miss her lectures and advice and her organizing.  Mostly, I miss her prayers and her voice and her sensitivity.  "Handle mail only once," she would say.   "Your parents need you to call them...just to touch base," she explained.   If I did not get the message, then she would be more direct!  I get it now. I miss talking about books and our reading and our writing. I learned so much by being connected with this amazing woman.  Menu planning, Christmas shopping and list making, La...

  Life is experienced in all of the thousands of little actions.    We learn trust and how to be in a relationship by all of the little interactions.   The ups and downs and ins and outs of everyday family life are where the important lessons are learned and transmitted.   Repetition burns them into our minds and hearts. Neil Anderson states in his book, Discipleship Counseling, “We live according to what we have chosen to believe about ourselves and the world around us, and we are not always aware that we are continuously gathering information that forms, alters and intensifies our beliefs.   Many people cruise through life with a carefree attitude, unaware of how they are being influenced by the world in which they live.”   (P. 79) The trick is, I believe, is to force my attention and become aware of those little interactions.   To realize my own defense mechanisms, procedural memory and responses and actions involved. To...

At a recent garage sale, I bought the book, "Ivanhoe" by Sir Walter Scott.  This very old book purchased for $.25 was stamped with an elementary school's mark from long ago. A frustrating and challenging book to read.  Many new words and ideas and names that were outside my usual.  I was determined to have victory over it!  At first, it was a battle.  I fought with each paragraph and made the decision to not let it win.   Line by line, I trudged through, until I began to feel connected to the characters.  I wanted to know what happened to the Black Knight and Rebecca or Rowana or Ivanhoe. Some favorite quotes: “For he that does good, having the unlimited power to do evil, deserves praise not only for the good which he performs, but for the evil which he forbears. " Sir Walter Scott   “Chivalry!---why, maiden, she is the nurse of pure and high affection---the stay of the oppressed, the redresser of grievances, the cu...

As you can tell, I'm in that stage of life. You know the one.  Transition...AGAIN.  With transition comes reflection and contemplation and dreaming.  O.k. nevermind....this is just life and it is a transition from birth to death! Since we are only human and can only see and know in part we struggle and need a constant reality check.  This is mine regarding the dreams of my heart.   --> Working Through a dream Dreams are not simple objects to tie down into concrete, well defined boxes. Dreams are not static. A dream is rather a kaleidoscope of dynamic growing, moving and changing pieces. Branches reaching continually to the sky and roots intertwining through the ground. Bumping up against life and reality or a hard spot in the ground...they flex around it and continue reaching for the sky. Right now I’m in the disequilibrium that only growth can bring. Planting diverse crops. Growing Bending Prioritizing Pruning. Reflecti...

Oh MY Word.   To speak is to share ourselves.  To write is to open one's heart. Words are an act.  A revealing.  A boundary. An outgrowth of who we are. "Out of the heart, a mouth speaks."  Pieces of old spiral notebook pages filled a corner of my hope chest.  Letters from my Mom and from my sisters when they were young and I was off to college and marriage and parenthood.  Letters to my sons as they grew. Journals.  Cards.  Love notes.   Smelling of age. My hope chest is filled with words.  Words from an ecstatic lover.  Broken words from a funeral.  Words scribbled in crayons and glossy words on cards.  Words of hope and wonder and despair.  Secret words. Long words and short all come together to make a story of my life. Unwanted.  Wanted.  Torn.  Healed.  Broken.  Mended.  Fail.  Succeed.  All tied together within the heart of...

I just finished reading Mom's book Christy by Catherine Marshall which is an absolutely amazing and inspiring book.  http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=christy&sprefix=christy%2Cstripbooks&rh=i%3Astripbooks%2Ck%3Achristy I also just read "Joy for Beginners" again.  An amazing read about women tackling those, "I've been afraid of but want to do forever," issues. http://www.amazon.com/Joy-For-Beginners-Erica-Bauermeister/dp/B005M481Y6 My son brought home a book from college, "Life is so good," which is a quick and amazing read.   http://www.amazon.com/Life-Is-So-Good-Extraordinary/dp/0141001682 My ladies group just finished, "Quitter" by Jon Acuff and I'm going to begin to read "Start" by him after June 18th...  If you get a chance...grab these books! http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks...

Sounds like a tongue twister.  You know, "How much wood would a wood chuck chuck..." Last night over grilling supper, a super discussion came up regarding perception of the past and how it drives our actions today.   Is it a choice to change or not live by our perceptions?   As families we grow up with multiple perceptions, lens or perceptual memory.  Our family roles grow out of these central beliefs.   So are we stuck with them?  Are we prisoners to their drive and pull?  Do we have the choice to believe or not believe? It reminded me of the Circle of Security training in which the presenter encouraged us to simply not believe those lens that we will probably have our entire lives.   For me, as a believer, taking my perceptions and holding them under the light of His Word which I believe is truth gives me the right focus to live my life. Just like the scratch on my glasses' lens right now....

 Showing my boys their tattered blankets from birth was a great opportunity and attempt at embarrassing them!  Pulling a faded, worn and ripped blanket from a baggie to hand to my second child brought chuckles of memory from his Dad and I and half hearted laughter from him.  "I'm putting in your tote," I explained.  "Why?  I'm not that attached anymore," he retorted. Fingering each worn blanket flooded this Mom's mind and heart with memories.  The quilt that was our oldest son's blanket had batting hanging in every which direction.  His Dad and I remembering the games of hide and seek and snuggles by the heater on early cold mornings. The second blanket was torn in half with the silk edging completely missing.   His Dad used to tease him with it, "my binky," he would say.  I can just see the blanket wrapped around his thumb and carried over his stick horse. The third blanket was chosen by his brother's.  Very colo...

I have to say, it was a surprise.  How in the world did so many things pack into that hope chest?  Of course, there was not room for one more item.  And I have treasured items I want to put in. After a long and grueling emotional process, I threw away many things.  I made a copy of notes from my sisters and sent the originals to their owner.  I copied small chunky artwork. The biggest accomplishment of all was buying three new totes for three young men and putting their school days, baby book and "treasures" for them to share with their families if they want to.   The hope chest is empty.  I've decided it needs some restoration of its own.  Soon it will be ready to take on more of my life's treasured items.  It has space now for life. Making space for life in my real life is a dangerous and daunting task. My schedule, responsibilities and house is crammed full.  It needs thinned to make space for life. ...

The big stand out from the adventures of the hope chest is..."Don't miss the forest for the trees!"  Don't get so wrapped up in the details, urgencies and busyness of life that big picture is clouded out. The treasures I pulled from my hope chest include; precious worn and torn blankets, artwork and cards to Mom.  Gentlly holding a piece of paper folder over another and then another, given to me with love...filled my eyes with tears. Knowing myself all too well, I was fretting those details at the time.  All the shoulda, woulda and coulda do filled my mind-blinding me to the beautiful forest I was growing. I could hear time whispering a warning to my heart.  "It's all about the forest and the big picture Heather.  Focus on what matters."

My husband and boys brought my hope chest in from it's hiding place in the garage.  Now, I'm not going to get anything done at home!! At first, I lifted and looked at items piece by piece.  That did not last long, and soon I had a Mount Everest pile of memories.   Running my hand over my neglected hope chest shifted my mind went to reverse.   Mom gave me it and it was my treasured possession and I babied it with furniture oil and polish and hid my treasures within.   This cedar hope chest came from a school teacher that had willed all of her things to my Aunt and Mom.  This teacher taught my Mom and sister and provided a mother figure to them, during a time they were on their own as kids.  She taught them to sew and cook and look ahead in life.  She saved their lives! I filled it with treasures.   Letters, pictures and notes from my sisters.  Notes from boys and friends.  Special rocks, rodeo buckles and ...