HEART'S CRY

I'm choosing to celebrate my birthday!  I have lived forty four years and prayerfully gaining wisdom as we go.  It has gone so fast and I feel old, blessed, young and have a heavy sense of urgency.  Grateful to be here and to be known. God wrote a beautiful story to show me to show me how actively involved in my life He is.  He knew me before I was born.  He knew my longing to be known and wanted as I entered the world.  Why would I ever doubt God's presence? My conception and my Mom's travel to tell my Dad she was expecting and finding he had left with the draft to Vietnam.  Two young people hurting.   My teenage Mama almost lost me in miscarriage.  She prayed, "God if you want me to raise this baby, then stop the bleeding."   Birth was traumatic for all.  My Aunt Jean stood guard in her fur coat at the window...just in case someone wanted to "take me away," from them.  My Grandma was told to call the f...

 Pursue me!  I'm worth it.  I matter.  I'm valuable.   "I want you to want me. I need you to need me. I'd love you to love me. I'm beggin' you to beg me."   Cheap Trick Lyrics My Mother used to sing this Cheap Trick tune, which usually meant she was feeling unloved.  Of course, I did not consciously know what it was she needed and wanted, but I knew her Heart's Cry.  I could not put in to words what it was she was feeling, but I knew all was not well.  She would "take," put up with, tolerate and yet not accept.   Not because she did not want to, but because she didn't know how to accept it.  She would take less then she deserved and not accept what she did.  She was desperate for attention and yet her doubt and insecurity kept her on defense. I see this Heart's Cry in so many of the women I come in to contact with.  When the defenses are down, the tears come up and we are once again the little gi...

A home visit yesterday with a beautiful single mom and her three children let to this profound statement. "I'm in God's Heart," the ten year boy old told me, with his eyes piercing. Of course, we are to ask God in to our hearts.   Of course, it is us who comes to God. Yes, it is us who needs God, and not the other way around. How do we know this love exist?  Or our need for love and salvation to begin with?  Who shows us our need for a very big God to live within us?    "I am in God's Heart." As a mother holds her child in her arms in those precious first moments,  Countless hours of holding, cooing, loving and nurturing drives the child into her heart and her within his. This baby grows and toddles through the house.  His eyes follows his mom and knows those arms will pull him in to her heart when he hurts or needs refilled. This same boy goes to school and begins activities.  His eyes find his mom from ...

My heart is finding its way into my mind.  I have pictured my heart or the emotional  me as a wild untamed being.   A wild place I love to see and terrified to embrace.  Fearful to release and longing to let it go. Tentatively approaching my emotional pool as I did my first visit to a zoo.   Reverently approaching the limit of the Lion's cage, until I found his eye.  Powerful.  The longing of a beast aching to be set free and to take back its life.  The sadness and hopelessness flooded me with sadness.   A meeting.  A coming together. Stress, trauma, abuse, decisions, choices, sin and life can fragment.   We create areas within ourselves with paths to walk between.  This room is my outside room.  This one is my "when I'm stressed" room.  Soon a labyrinth is formed and deception of "this is normal" glazes over. It is not normal.  We are supposed to feel, to care, to need...

Love is in the air this Valentine's Day.   This day can ring with disappointments, let downs, missed opportunities and unrealistic expectations.  It also reverberates with celebration, delighting in and cherished moments. "A few of my favorite things," has wound its way around my brain.  My Valentine Version. Baby's Breath with Wildflowers and chocolate in hearts Red construction paper cards and scribbled on darts Chocolate kisses, bits of honey, candy hearts and caramel Snack bags and boxes and giving incurable These are a few of my favorite things Hot cups of coffee while listening to news Puppies snuggle between us to snooze Simple morning routines set my day on a roll Stillness quietly seeping to the depths of my soul These are a few of my favorite things Phone calls from loved ones and text from boys Dinner with my lover and small bits of repose The laughter of young love echoing up the stairs Memories wrapped together i...

My breath catches I stifle a sob in my throat My heart beats fast My mind races I'm here I feel the land The snow and wind soured plains I take in the vast horizon Disembarking from reality And all that is stale And patterned and fake And where stagnation prevails I step in to the wild I feel its message within the wind I reach for the clouds as if to take hold Away from my reality where I'm stretched thin Dynamic and driving Igniting my soul Reactivating a deep passion Where once I abode I left the place of my Heart's desire Thinking it had to be silly of me to love land I became unmoored and fragmented And still, I find it yet at hand It's within me An ache in my soul Inspiring my mind I'm ready to behold My cry My Heart's Cry I will no longer Turn a blind eye I release my heart I take a stand God is here My passion, my dream and my cry...in Good Hands.