Tired and Tattered: Purpose, Time & Contentment

Saturday was cold and dreary.  Outside and in.

My heart was tired. My mind was tired. My spirit and my body. What was I doing here anyway, I whined.

I pulled out an old quilt made out of the "work clothes" of an older matriarch and pulled the heavy fabric over me.  Tattered would be an understated way to describe it.  

"I should fix this," I thought.  On second thought, "I could fix this," as I try to change the way I speak.  Running my hands over thick squares of polyester and  loose squares of cotton. My Mom's voice of reverence sneaks out, "if only this fabric could talk."  I appreciate her perspective more and more.

I pull the heavy quilt over my head. "Stupid quilt," I mutter.  Continuing the complaining I add, "it's just like my life.  All tattered and pieced together.  Bits of this and that.  This strength or that skill tied together with...  with what?"

Can you tell I'm in a frustrating season?  Not enough education for that or too much for this?  Too opinionated and way too passionate.  Called, released and called again?  

AND...my youngest is leaving all too soon.  I'm being released and am supposed to be releasing.  My boys are men.  They are growing, maturing and following their calling.  They are doing what they are designed and meant to do.  They are becoming and doing.

I have to admit to myself, I'm feeling left behind like a once treasured binky.  Tattered silk that once comforted babies.  Bits of clothing and treasures fill the hope chest of days past and dreams fulfilled.

"Now what? What is my purpose?" 

My fingers snag the thread holding a sagging square on the heavy quilt.  "This one needs some repair and gentle use," I murmur.  

"Yes, she does," God whispers to my heart. 

 "The wear and tear of purpose and time brings contentment."  

He heard my Heart's Cry.  
An eternal and intimate God reaches down and tucks the quilt under my chin, "my banner, my quilt over you is love."

"Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, So is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, And his fruit was sweet to my taste. "He has brought me to his banquet hall, And his banner over me is love."  Song of Solomon 2:2-4 (http://biblehub.com/songs/2-4.htm)

Gill's Exposition..."his banner … love—After having rescued us from the enemy, our victorious captain (Heb 2:10) seats us at the banquet under a banner inscribed with His name, "love" (1Jo 4:8). His love conquered us to Himself; this banner rallies round us the forces of Omnipotence, as our protection; it marks to what country we belong, heaven, the abode of love, and in what we most glory, the cross of Jesus Christ, through which we triumph (Ro 8:37; 1Co 15:57; Re 3:21). Compare with "over me," "underneath are the everlasting arms" (De 33:27).