Owning my B.S.

I'm speaking tonight with a friend on "Owning Your B.S," and find myself quite nervous.  So...I'm sharing with friends first.

Everyone has a story.

Everyone has a journey to walk.

We have a decision to make.

In addition, each of us has been given our own burden to carry and responsibilities to shoulder.

In fact, we were created to "carry our own weight."  Adam and Eve were assigned a work to do.  They were given ownership of their part of the world and a manageable weight to carry.

Blame, sin and shame entered the world through their choice to turn away. 

Pressure took the place of peace.

We were meant to own and be responsible for our gifts, talents, choices, feelings, attitude, behavior, growth, joy and change. 

Owning our pain, trauma, abuse, hidden beliefs, insecurities, fears, shame, scars and the B.S. of our life is more difficult.

Thankfully, we get to take it from right where we are right now. 

Why do we have to own our B.S.?

  What we own, we can also change. 

When we take the opportunity to embrace a growth mindset, we move forward.

As we fail, experience, learn and grow and let go of perfection, control and shame we will change.

I believe the first step in the process of owning our B.S. is LOVE.

Love.  Love that operates independently of what we feel or do now feel.  Love that is a commitment to taking care of God's creation. 

Love doesn't mean license to make this life about us. 

We do not have the right to serve ourselves, but do have the responsibility to love.

I used to belief taking care of myself is selfish.  Exercise, rest and eating was a luxury.  An extracurricular activity.

How am I to "love my neighbor as myself, " if I don't love myself in the way God has asked me? 

I would never treat my neighbor as viscously as I have myself.

"Don't look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too." (Phil. 2)

Do I really believe God loves everyone?  Even me?

The second step we have to take in owning our B.S. is acceptance. 

Giving ourselves the gift of significance. 

Acceptance is not agreement.  We accept who and where we are and God's view of us.  He accepts us...as is.

His acceptance does not mean He agrees with our self-destructive behavior. 

He would never agree with my propensity for out of control eating as a coping mechanism.

Accepting and surrender empowers and energizes while blame and shame depletes. 

 I've tried it all.  I've punished, worked harder and tried more.  "I'm trying," is a common response to others' concern.

Making excuses is an art I have perfected.  Deflection a skill set.  I apologized to a degree of compulsion, until I realized I was apologizing for my very being.

 I've tried shaming and self-punishment. 

The outcome of my effort has been debilitating.  My health deteriorated as I ran away from facing my own self-destruct mode. 

My mindset was fixed and became my prison.

Brokenness has been the opening I needed to escape.

The third step is all about refusing to play God. 

Forgiving ourselves. 

Forgiveness is releasing another from my own personal judgement and revenge. 

When you see yourself as unlovable and unacceptable as I did, it was natural to feel justified to pronounce judgement and take revenge on myself. 

How could I forgive myself when every memory and emotion dictated my life?

Once again, God's unconditional love, acceptance and forgiveness healed me.  I am learning to forgive with my will.  To make a choice to own my B.S. and to forgive myself and the "others" who caused me pain.

^"Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord. in Romans 12:19.

"We don't forgive with our memory, or emotions.  We forgive with our will.  It's a choice we make not to enter into a lifestyle of revenge and punishment, of getting even."  Jerry Cook

Finally, we have to trust.  Trust that God is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do.  Trust Him to walk with us through the long and difficult journey to owning our B.S.