HEART'S CRY

No biggie right? Eating clean and eliminating all bread from my life.  "No potatoes?" I ask my son who is coaching me.  "Nope," he says.  "But Mom you get to eat peppers, zucchini and all the veggies and 8 ounces of animal protein a day and you love all of those things," He says. This is doable I tell myself.  Ba hahahahaha How deceived I am.  Bread is the sum of my life I've found.  By day 2 (yesterday) I'm practically screaming to myself..."I WANT SOME BREAD IN MY BELLY!" I wake up and want toast.  With hamburger, where is the bun and the chips?  No...not wheres the beef?  "Where is the bread?" my body and mind screams at me.  Literally, screams. I went to the store to buy buns for  my husband and bought two jars of dill pickles.  I ate half a jar.  I have an itch that can't be scratched and an appendage that has been amputated and I still feel it.  I am addicted.  My mouth waters when I walk by the ...

Take a risk.  Face your fear.  Easy words to say...hard actions to do.  Big words for a fearful time.  The true meaning is terrifying.   "It is a choice, not a feeling," are the words to myself as I try to re-engage with my life.   If my husband or my boys or family need me, I would walk through fire to be there.  Now, I need to take care of me and I'm acting like a sheepish baby squirrel.   I take myself by the shoulders and say, "look at me!"  "You are brave and very courageous.  Take the risk.  Jump out of the boat.  You are not the lost little girl.  You are a mighty warrior.  God is leading you and bringing up the rear." I believe I am at a do or die crossroad.  With my health, my ministry, my family, finances and my career.   And honestly...I'm scared.  I don't want to look back to this point and live with regret.   I want to take the risk.    With all my...

My husband and I had the privilege of being called to the hospital to be with a daughter and son's dying mother until they could arrive.  I thank my Mother for giving me a mindset to see see the honor in death.  She worked at the nursing home when I was little.  Many times she held someone's hand and watched the veil between the temporal and eternal ripple as they walked into their final home. Death was a way of life, my Dad said to me one night as we buried my bunnies.  We grieve, but death is part of life.   Too many times, death comes from tragedy and breaks our world into a million pieces.  Jolting and traumatic.  I've gone with my husband on too many of these calls.  I held my Dad up as he wept when tragedy struck our ranch and took a young man from the world. Last night was precious. Peaceful.  The way death should be.    An older lady.  She was at the nursing home for three weeks and had just came to...

For the joy set before Him.   This statement leapt from my husband's mic to my heart this morning in church.  He has been preaching through Hebrews and emphasizing the author is speaking to the church about the supremacy of Christ.  We had studied the "Faith Heroes" last week.   I was following along as he exegetically tore in to the scripture passage.  Therefore speaks to those heroes of the faith.  He spoke about not being trapped as our enemy seeks to trap and thwart us in every direction. Then he reminded us to "Let us run."  Decision making and active pursuit of attaining.  Extreme peril requiring the exertion of all one's effort to overcome. Fixing.  Turning from other things.  Separating.  He spoke of trust, commitment to His will and endurance in loyalty. Then came the words.  "For the joy set before him." My husband said, "Jesus didn't delight in being tortured, crucified and persecuted.  He delight...

So here we are.  Facing the reality of the depth of the draught we had went through.  We are at the point of; SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE AROUND HERE.  Now. Now what. For me, healthy and sustainable change is going to be a process of intentional steps. (Because I'm more the takeoff running and hit the wall a million times kind of girl.) 1.  Take a risk.   2.  Honor where I am 3.  Stay in the discomfort  4.  Move forward together-Be With Take a risk. 1. Take a risk.  Try something new and be willing to blow it and fail.  Let go of the outcome. Al Siebert wrote: "Your resiliency strengths come from self-motivated, self-managed efforts to develop resiliency skills.  Some people who hear or read about ways to become more resilient mistakenly think that the power lies in the recommended method.  They go through the steps in a detached way thinking the technique will make things better.  Then when things d...

This summer has found me studying "The Compassion Fatigue Workbook."  A workbook given to me years ago at a conference.  I'm studying for myself, for my husband and my boys and for those I serve. My husband and I have been in helping fields for over 27 years.  In addition to ministry, my husband was an emergency medical technician for years.  He has worked in the health care field for the past 14 years and serves as a chaplain at times of tragedy.  Serving in one of these positions can cause significant fatigue.  Serving in two simultaneously is unbelievable taxing.   When we both serve in helping fields, we become immersed in the tragedy, pain, loss and trauma of others.  Unless we stay extremely vigilant, we become two un-moored souls, instead of the one body God intended. God has given me the gift this summer of unscheduled time which in turn brings renewed perspective.  Perspective and the drive to paddle us back to a safe shore. ...

When I'm empty. When I'm empty and cannot find fulfillment When I'm empty and cannot find strength When I'm empty and my reserves are gone  When I'm empty to the point of no return You fill me. You fill me with hope You fill me with faith You fill me with peace and gratefulness You fill me with courage But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.  Hebrews 10:39