HEART'S CRY

Part of a message from the local memorial service but it jumped out at me.  Isn't that what life is?  A continuous ending and beginning; tearing and building; birthing and dying. It reminds me of fencing.  I remember taking wire and splicing them together to continue a fence line.  To connect the old with the new or repair part and tie everything together.  When the Creek would flood and we had to pull out wire from the mud and stand it back up, we had to find all of the ends and make new beginnings. Reminds me of the rolling hills of the prairie or the sandhills that I love.  Driving over one hill only leads to another!!!!  And another and another.... That is what I'm seeing in our lives right now.  A constant beginning and ending. My boys are in that state of constant fluctuation in their lives, schooling and career.   The Old blue sweetheart is in new hands getting a new break job and a new back window! Even in a see...

They were everywhere.  Whole families needing a place to stay clutching onto their suitcases and belongings.  Pushing and shoving each other to gain a spot in line and get out of the rain.  And yet when I showed them to their room and they began running back out "to grab" something.  The panic in my throat was suffocating. I was frantically running and saying...Stay put.  Herding them back to their room while bringing more in.  Then there were the animals.  The horses went where they were supposed to but the cats kept running in circles.   And the old man?  WAS JUST STANDING THERE.  Why couldn't they just come in and stay?  Why did they have to go back in the rain?  Why couldn't "I" get them in?  Why was the old man just standing there? Then I woke up.  Shaken and grabbing my journal.  Knowing that this was something God wanted me to learn from.  Asking Him to direct my thoughts I scrib...

My life has been influenced by stories. My Mother told stories.  As we drove she would point out family homesteads, neighbors, culture and history.  We teased her pretty mercilessly.  "Mom, is that a Swedish or German barn?  She has a sense of wonder about those who were before her.  She loves to tell stories about our family and after she came close to death a few years ago she has ramped that up!  I'm proud of her and I understand her more and more.  She took us to the cemeteries where she pointed out ancestors and link us to the past and we visited every museum and antique mall we drove by! Then David and I entwined our life's story and his became mine and mine his. My Mom made sure we knew the history and respected Dad's family and I made them my own.  Then I met my birth Dad and his beautiful wife and those stories filled my heart.  David's Dad and Mom has become mine through the stories, hopes and fears of their hearts...

"Soaring on Broken Wings" by Kathy Bartalsky A book I found on David's book shelf.  An amazing book on tragedy and victory through suffering.  Written in 1990 by a woman who lost two children and her husband.   Reading through this book left me humbled and thankful for God's amazing grace.  Elizabeth Elliot in her forward states that "miracle of grace that learns that suffering is something granted, a blessing, or, as she says "more appropriately an honor"-not meant for herself alone but, in identification with Christ and His cross, for the sake of the world.  We accept as common knowledge that God can save a sinner, yet we do not wholeheartedly believe that God can and will sustain a believer.  Here is evidence beyond argument of that might sustenance." Sometimes we want easy.  We can either trust or not trust. Serve or not serve.  Want to know Him or not.

Peace Contentment Stillness As long as I can remember this has been the cry of my heart In marriage With my children In my home In my church In my work In me I'm not speaking of settling or status quo It's not about giving up or giving in or staying put I'm not asking for an excuse to be lazy or unmotivated My prayer...my Heart's Cry is: To allow me to live life one day at a time. To be Still and Know that He is God and directs my steps To be flexible and adaptive to His leading within the day and within my life To have one main goal...To Know Him To absolutely and wholeheartedly trust Him But godliness with contentment is great gain. 1 Timothy 6:6 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. Phil. 4:11 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsak...

I'm not a "go with the flow" kind of girl.  In fact, I came into the world against it.  Other ways of stating it; stubborn, making things complicated, non-compliant, being difficult and complicated.  Going against the flow takes courage, boldness and thinking outside the box.   It is my greatest strength.  It is my greatest challenge. Paradoxically I've also been very sensitive and intuitive to undercurrents and natural rhythms.   Riding a horse requires matching their rhythm and joining with them.  Working with animals and kids requires it.  Natural rhythms and seasons were created for us.  For our health and our success.  As much as going with the flow is difficult for me; being aware of and take advantage of natural cycles and rhythms is a must.  Some Questions and Thoughts: What is the time of day that is best for me to read and the time best for the physical activities? When is the time of day to ret...

I'm sure you have heard it said that if you put a frog in boiling water it will jump right out.  But if you put a frog in a pan of water and slowly turn up the heat then the frog will stay in the pan and be boiled. Ever feel like boiled frog? Today I wondered...what are we doing to ourselves?  To our families?  Our churches? Our minds and bodies? To our spirits and our hearts?  More importantly...why?   We are running ourselves backwards. Where are we going?  What is the cost of our craziness? Days like today give me the quiet and space to realize how close to boiling I have become.  Having time without noise and without demands on my attention is divisive.  It divides reality from deception.  Divides real and fake; authentic and hollow; shallow and significant.   Spreading my calendar, boys' schedules and journal across my dining room table...I intentionally looked for places to carve out time.  ...