HEART'S CRY

I love Christmas lights. Lights wrapping evergreens with their sparkling. Lights covered in frost shimmering on my house. The familiar lights of my neighbor's and communities homes. Candlelight and Christmas light up the church. They represent to me the spirit of Christmas. The light that came. The light that is. The light that will be. Lights stands for hope and vision. Purpose and perseverence. Past and future intertwined in a moment. Family. The lights represent family and tradition. The overcoming and the enduring home. The individual tied together with the same energy running through to light our home. I love the Joy, Beauty and Meaning of Christmas Lights!

Last night a few of our older guys in college and service came together at church with kids still at home to "hang out" and wrap presents for well deserving kids.    I love that this is a place to "chill" and come home to and  to be.  Hearing stories and celebrating the lives of the young men and women they are becoming.  Trying to capture time. I thought about exhausting lock ins where air soft guns where smuggled in and shot.  Where hours of pick up and cleaning and wild boys tested every ounce of my husband's and my patience and resolve.   Spontaneous ice hockey on the gravel after water was poured on, sumo wrestling with bean bags, and pain ball (wrapped toilet paper with duct tape) was invented.  Burned pizza.  Pastor Josh.   The perfect environment for great relationships to be forged. Humoring me! The kitchen is still the best place to talk! Wrapping and Talking...mostly Talking! I can't capture t...

  "Hark! the herald angels sing, "Glory to the newborn King; Peace on earth, and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled."  You know what our homes feel like when things are out of sync.  When one person has hurt another?  When issues lie bubbling under the surface waiting to find a weak spot to break through. Bringing it to the surface, confronting, reparation and putting it aside brings reconciliation and peace.  Then our home is a peaceful place ... full of good will and love. That's what Christ did "when we were once enemies" of God.  He confronted it and paid the cost of reconciliation so that we would have peace with God.   Peace and reconciliation.  Our hearts made whole.  From fragmentation to wholeness.  From chaos to peace.  Not perfect on earth.  But nevertheless....Peace. Peace Beyond our understanding! Peace on Earth comes from Peace with God.  Good Will can't be manufactured.  It comes ...

A Christmas tradition...everyone gets a new book!  It began with Children's books from my Mother-in-Law  and progressed to the historical and the inspirational! It is my job to pass the love of learning, books, information and knowledge to my kids.  It's their job to take advantage of it. One book this Christmas is "Monk and the Merchant" by Terry Felber.  It is simple. An easy read.  Encouraging and perspective enlarging.  This simple book outlines Twelve Principles to a successful life and ministry in the market place. The final principle was "Understand The Power of Partnership."  "You see, there is a tugging on the hearts of every one of us to have a closer relationship with God.  And there is a craving in every one of us to do whatever we can to further His Kingdom." (Felber. P. 138)  Here's to partnering and strengthening each other in 2012! 

Josh's first day of Kindergarten was a adventure for all of us.  We had excitedly been counting down the days but that first day was hard.  Michael was mad that Josh was leaving him.  I was excited and sad about entering a new stage.     Josh was pumped...until I walked out the door.  Then he decided that he changed his mind and was going home.   I was so torn as I walked out the door knowing that he was not a happy camper.  The principal of this one room school knowingly ushered me out and said, "Make cookies and fill the house with good smells for when he gets home."   So with an angry Michael in tow-off we went-home to make cookies.  The house smelled wonderful and I knew that we would all be o.k. as we began this new step. Josh's First Day of School       So today I have brought my oldest home again and this time it will be me as I stand at the door watching him come and go.  Wanting to hover an...

Wise Men Would Not Have Said That: Please forgive me and I'm not be sacrilegious but that was the first thought that flew into my mind this morning.   The comment directed at me was a well intentioned, "calm down baby." But in that moment and at this time...that was not the wisest man.   So after stomping off to get in the shower...that's the thought that crossed my mind..."Wise Men wouldn't have said that!" Just sayin!  That though led to a chuckle at the picture in my mind of sophisticated solemn wise men carrying gifts and that they would definitely not say "calm down baby." Do you suppose that God gave us this one time of the month ladies to clear the air in our households?  At times I sure wonder.  It seems like the natural flow (pardon my pun) of things at that time to say things that need said-maybe not in that way- and to feel the things that need felt and to just let down a little.   Have you ever noticed more dreams or nightmare...

I'm nervous.  Anxious.  Emotional.  Excited.   I've tried to get the laundry all done, the cleaning completed and groceries filling the cupboard.  My son is coming home and I just want the house restful and peaceful for all of my boys.  But...we would have to move out to have that happen so it will be what it is. Our house is warm, peaceful and filled with people that mean the entire world to me!  It is filled with memories that we have collected here for the last 13 years.   Hide and Seek with Buster.  A place for forts, pillow fights, wrestling matches and a place to get lost in the books we read together.   It sits on a quiet street where the boys raced bikes, go carts and each other.  Where archery was practiced outside and dreams were hatched.  Where neighbors look after and love each other.  It was basically the last house available...and it was going to be a stop along the way.  Little hous...

I had just talked to them.  They were trailing cows home to sort and put in the calving pasture.  Dad was riding with my sister, brother in law and pastor.  Mom was ready to flag for them when they came out to the road.  It made me homesick.   The summer and fall pastures are about 10 miles north of the home place and each winter they are brought close.   The river at home is surrounded by rough pasture that makes for great shelter.  They sort cows so that those that will be calving first are kept closer to the pens, corrals and barns. My sister texted to say that there was another accident... Dad's horse went down on him and he was in the ambulance on the way to the hospital about 45 miles away.  Both bones broke on his lower leg.  Surgery early in the morning.     But...they asked, "Do you remember which leg was broken when the horse went over on him 15 years ago?"  The surgeon needs to know. ...

Heartbreak.  The sound of a worried mothers' cry in the middle of the night.  Her daughter is in the hospital.  Her son is going overseas.  The mom with tears streaming down her face coming to the realization that her little one is paying for her choices.   The one whose son experienced a shocking blow. The mom whose son walked away from the path laid before him and will be walled off for years to come.  The mother whose adopted and treasured son was taken away from her arms. Heartbreak.  The desperate look of a dad whose world has come crashing down around him.  To watch the children he loves be pulled apart and separated.  The realization that a dad has when he wakes up to see that his children are all grown and are far away from his heart.  The dad whose entire world revolves around his boys and he can't make it better. Heartbreak.  The little one forced to make a decision that shouldn't be his to make.  Mom...or ...

My poor little sisters.  I owe them so many apologies.  But one memory became very vivid as I read in the Bible about Holding On To The Hope that You Have. One day Mom and Dad were gone and we were finding things to do to entertain the younger ones (to keep them from fighting lol) when we noticed the old dog sled behind the shed.  The kind that we watched in movies with Huskies pulling them.  Who knows where it came from BUT...It looked fun. We saddled two horses and tied ropes to the sled and pulled it across the road to the flat wheat stubble that was now covered with snow.  Putting sisters in the sled-we thought that we should have someone standing on the back runners as we had seen them doing on TV.  So my brave middle sister jumped on. So with two horses we began slowly and the girls thought it was grand.  We were singing "Jingle Bells" so we began to trot which thrilled the girls.  So of course we decided that if fast was good then faste...

My family is an "ALL IN" kind of Christmas.  Although we never had much money...Mom made it fun.  Thematic Christmas decorations.   The kitchen was a disaster and the kid sized island that she designed was just right for lots of sugar cookies to be decorated by whomever she could bring in.  Frosting, sprinkles on the cookies and the girls.  Flour fights happened occasionally.  We made candy and mints and cookies.  All the while "Rocking to Christmas Music" usually the old country kind. But that's on the inside.  Outside we climbed haystacks, snow ball fights and pulled kids around with the horses on old car hoods or sledding in the hills.  Once in a while we skated and had a huge bonfire. But the best Christmas of all was the one in 1988 as I waited for David to come and see me during college break.  My family had all gone somewhere and a few friends had stopped by.   My heart stopped when I heard him drive in with h...

What I love about Mondays! What do I love about THIS   Monday?  That before next Monday....my oldest son will be home.   I will bring him home and will get to see him and hug him and touch him and talk and have him with his brothers and his Dad.  I can't wait. Monday mornings are my scheduled strategic planning time .  I pull out calendars and ensure we are all on the same page.  I begin my list for home, school, church and work.  To do and to buy.  If we have a wrestling meet then I have to get snack stuff etc.  Who I need to call and where I have to go.  What are the priorities for this week?  What are the most important activities? I find that if I can have that hour or two to make a game plan...the rest of the week goes better.  This time allows me to focus on what's important and not just whats urgent .   Puts my values in black and white in my calendar and on my list and helps put boundaries around my l...

Heard an amazing sermon today which brought out a simple message from the Christmas story.   Jesus gave out of His poverty.  This little baby wrapped in rags and put to bed in a manger.  Pastor encouraged us to give like He did.   1.  Give of Ourselves.   2.  Sacrifice.   3.  Serve. To give of ourselves involving our strength, energy, talents, gifts, time and personality.  To give of ourselves fully to our families and our communities.  Give the gift of all of us!! To sacrifice.  To think about others first.  To put others' needs in front of ourselves.  Sacrifice our comfort for others.  To set aside what is easy to do what is right! To serve .   To take on the nature of a servant.  Supply and attend to.  Nautical word...to bind with a rope to protect and strengthen.  To wrap ourselves up and in and for someone else. So this Christmas-Let us wrap ourselves around a...

Hope.  A feeling of expectation and a desire for certain things to happen.  Sense of trust.  "Hope springs Eternal in the Human Breast!"  Hope Runs Deep forging its way through the hidden places of our hearts saturating our lives.   Hope is not some surface fluffy and fleeting feeling.  Hope is foundational.  Hope is not based on our circumstances but on God's Truth.  Hope Withstands.  Hope holds on.  Hope drives. Hope is never-ending.  Given to us by God's grace.   Infinite and Eternal. 2 Thessalonians 2:16 May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope,   Hope births faith and love.   Colossians 1:5 the faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven and that you have already heard about in the word of truth, the gospel. Hope was Born on Christmas Eve.  Hope is not a gift under th...

Continuing a conversation about traditions.  The gifts I give. It's not the amount but rather spirit and the love.  Creating special moments. When our boys were little we were extremely limited on income but I found creative ways to make Christmas fun for little boys as well as fulfill the practical.   Taking those packages of socks, I wrapped each pair individually.   Each boy got a book and something educational as well as something fun. I would add notes in the pages of the book or find a unique way to wrap the toys. Each packet of clay or little toy was wrapped in their special paper. I still buy the socks and underwear and of course a book and other things practical.   A new razor or trimmer and then something just for fun.  Usually a movie and a game...something they can do together.  We open the family gifts after going to the Candlelight Service and reading the Christmas story.  If we have presents to deliver then we d...

Do.  Or Do Not.  That's what yoda says.  No try. Do or Do Not.  To me this says, "Make a choice."  Or as the Bible says in Jeremiah 6:16, "This is what the LORD says: 'Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, 'We will not walk in it.'" Either do what leads me closer to God or do not.  Choose with your feet or obey with your feet is what I used to tell my boys.  Don't tell me you will...do.   And yet...here I am in answer to God, "I'll try God."   Try what?  To walk one way and talk another?  To live in apathy?  To live asleep.  Like Dave Ramsey says, "Gomer Pile on Valium." Our entire culture doesn't want to feel so we medicate and we escape.  We stay in the so/so and status quo.   I stay in the status quo.  I stay in the try.  I stay in the "We'll See." Dibbling my...

To be looked after.   I'm a very independent person and yet the deepest longing of my heart is to be looked after.  This is one of those visceral hungers that isn't easily filled. To be protected.  To know that someone has my back.  To be "checked on," so to speak.  "Did you make it?" "How are you?" etc. etc.  Just because I'm strong and can do it alone...doesn't mean I want to do it alone!  One of those longings that we are given at birth...when we are the most vulnerable.  To be protected, wanted and treasured. I learned early when people gave me that "look" of either I'm sorry for you or you are a pest to become very independent.  I couldn't figure them out.  Why were they looking at me that way?  What is wrong with me?  So if people were too busy surviving to really look after me then I would just "do it myself."   I learned to be self-reliant because I knew I was alone.  I would go and do fearlessl...

All I want for Christmas?   My boys home for Christmas....having them near me.   Seeing as many family and friends as possible.   Candle light communion.    Graham cracker rolls. Christmas Eve around a Christmas tree.  Giving and Sharing. Christmas morning excitement.   Cinnamon rolls and hot chocolate. Celebrating Christ. 

My son leaves again for 10 days of of field in the Air Force.  Although he is living away from me...when I know he is leaving for field...my heart hurts.   My twenty year old son is an amazing young man and I admire him so much for taking the risk to do what he is called to do.  He could have taken an easier field that he knew he would succeed at. This highly intelligent young man could have done anything.  He could have quit the last year and a half of intensive training.  I would have.   I appreciate his service to our country and his commitment to his family.  I appreciate that he is doing what he feels is right.  I'm proud of having boys who are brave, courageous, bold, adventurous with insatiable curiosity.   This same boy who snuck out his window on a bed sheet as a 4 year old with his little brother.  This 4 year old who climbed out toy room window to see if he could climb down the cedar tree.  This 12 year old w...

"To make little girls like you ask questions," was a frequent answer to my constant questions.   I have a deep desire to know and to learn.  To know people...really know them.  To learn new things.  To expand my thinking and to wonder about what could be... drives me.  Good thing I married someone with an inquisitive mind who reads as widely as his interest range.  That's what I love about Mondays!  The chance to meet new people, learn new things and see further. We can't arbitrarily add new skills to a back pack that we simply carry around and hope we remember to use them. Our thinking, passion and curiosity makes learning a natural step.   The skills are then integrated and pulled in to who we are.   Not just a doing or a checklist (although I have lots of them) but a way of thinking and intuition.   Of being.

  The older I get the more I enjoy the chaos and joy of Christmas decorating with children.  Squealing with delight and all of the joy and inhibition of childhood they bounce from one thing to another.   We have soup, finger food and conversation.  My teenage boys had hauled the decorations and trees up earlier so I was not expecting them and was thrilled when they came and bringing a friend. Little ones were busy fluffing tree branches and adding bulbs with the teens and the grown ups.  Our youngest helper in her polka dotted red dress stacked the bulbs on her favorite branch.  Little girls took turns climbing the ladder to decorate the middle while the boys were playing tag. As I stood back to admire the trees with my husband...we had to smile.  All of the bows were lined up on one side while the white bulbs were on the back.  I asked him, "Should I fix it?"  "No.  It's sweet," he said, "I like it."  I smiled.  We a...

It was calving season during a very difficult winter when I learned to play checkers. I think about it every time I play checkers...like last night-when my son beat me three times in a row!   I can't remember what year but we were still in the basement part of the house with the shell on top. Every once in a while, Mom sent us up to run off some energy! It was very cold and piles of wood were at the bottom of the stairs to keep the stove fed.  Even in the basement we could hear the wind.  The snow was blowing and piled in hard packed drifts against anything that stood in its way. My Grandma and Grandpa had come up to "get snowed in with us" (they lived a mile away) so they could help with calving.  It didn't take long and we were all snowed in together with the electricity finally going out.   Mom is a collector of anything old and had several kerosene lanterns for just this reason.  She filled them with the kerosene and trimmed the wicks....