Skip to main content

Letting Go of My Baby

My son leaves again for 10 days of of field in the Air Force.  Although he is living away from me...when I know he is leaving for field...my heart hurts.  

My twenty year old son is an amazing young man and I admire him so much for taking the risk to do what he is called to do.  He could have taken an easier field that he knew he would succeed at. This highly intelligent young man could have done anything.  He could have quit the last year and a half of intensive training.  I would have.  

I appreciate his service to our country and his commitment to his family.  I appreciate that he is doing what he feels is right. 

I'm proud of having boys who are brave, courageous, bold, adventurous with insatiable curiosity.   This same boy who snuck out his window on a bed sheet as a 4 year old with his little brother.  This 4 year old who climbed out toy room window to see if he could climb down the cedar tree.  This 12 year old who made a zip line at the horse for his brothers....to stop they had to hit the tree.  The 16 year old who drove through a park on a dare... 

That he has found a place to channel and focus all of that energy and use the creativity and inventiveness and his sense of justice and right is a blessing to me.

BUT... I still feel him in my arms as my dark haired and dark eyed baby and my heart is going out with him today. 

Although he is not mine but God's...I still have to intentionally release him.  Release the worries and the hopes and fears.  Release my dreams for him.  Release strings and release expectations and release anything that I'm holding on to. 
Release him to God to be all God has for him to be.

But I still cherish those memories of little chubby hands tangled up in my hair as he fell asleep and I love that he still calls his mom and tells me he loves me!!!

So every step and breath will carry a prayer the next 10 days for this young man and my baby.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Starting a Journey

September 3, 2010 Originally posted How to Begin a Journey 1. Pick a destination or simply start. 2. Plan a detailed itinerary or just take the first step. 3. Pack everything or travel lightly. I am choosing to just begin. To leave behind the baggage, pick up a day pack, and go. Several nights before we moved to Ogallala, I was praying about the transition when I heard that still, small voice of God. In that moment, I knew He heard my Heart's Cry. He hears every whispered plea, every unspoken longing. If I truly sit with that truth, it humbles me. What courage, boldness, passion, and decisiveness I have when I remember: He never leaves or forsakes me. He provides for my every need according to His riches in glory. My hope is to encourage you He hears your Heart's Cry too.
2 comments
Read more

1940 Canned Apple Butter: Family Root Cellar

I loved exploration as a child.  From opening the door and going down the stairs to get something from my Grandma's root cellar or exploring old homesteads while checking cows.  I credit my Mom with teaching us to appreciate those things that represented the people who had gone before us. When I moved with my husband and boys to a house on the family ranch-I began exploring immediately.  This was the house my Aunt and Uncle lived in during my childhood.  My Grandparents had lived there and many other families dating back to 1900 when it was built.   With two little boys in tow, I made my way to the root cellar and found a treasure cove.  Old text books belonging to the original family who had been a teacher, the original medicine cupboard, tools, trash and memorabilia.   I felt like an archeologist sifting through layers of debris representing generations and culture.  And I was.  I hauled truckloads of trash to the dump (some...
4 comments
Read more

Diabetes-Opened to Disease OR Open to Connecting to my Strengths

I've tried living in denial for two years after the big D diagnoses was handed over.  Honestly, I just don't want to talk about it.  Outwardly seemly calm and disconnected from it.  Inwardly terrified. As a plant that is stressed is open to disease, injury and death so to our bodies are.  I opened myself up to this.  Stress, lack of sleep, bad nutrition, overweight and lack of exercise.  For some reason I believed that if I ran fast enough and worked hard enough, I would outrun my family genes.  The tiny room in the back of my brain locked with a key has kept the fear of this disease at bay even though I could hear its screaming when life quieted down. My Aunt died piece by piece to this disease.  First a heart attack and quadruple by-pass.  Then a toe.  Next a foot.  Legs came next along with more heart attacks.  Kidneys shutting down.  She died very young. When I was little, my Aunt Ally gave herself s...
4 comments
Read more