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Letting Go of My Baby

My son leaves again for 10 days of of field in the Air Force.  Although he is living away from me...when I know he is leaving for field...my heart hurts.  

My twenty year old son is an amazing young man and I admire him so much for taking the risk to do what he is called to do.  He could have taken an easier field that he knew he would succeed at. This highly intelligent young man could have done anything.  He could have quit the last year and a half of intensive training.  I would have.  

I appreciate his service to our country and his commitment to his family.  I appreciate that he is doing what he feels is right. 

I'm proud of having boys who are brave, courageous, bold, adventurous with insatiable curiosity.   This same boy who snuck out his window on a bed sheet as a 4 year old with his little brother.  This 4 year old who climbed out toy room window to see if he could climb down the cedar tree.  This 12 year old who made a zip line at the horse for his brothers....to stop they had to hit the tree.  The 16 year old who drove through a park on a dare... 

That he has found a place to channel and focus all of that energy and use the creativity and inventiveness and his sense of justice and right is a blessing to me.

BUT... I still feel him in my arms as my dark haired and dark eyed baby and my heart is going out with him today. 

Although he is not mine but God's...I still have to intentionally release him.  Release the worries and the hopes and fears.  Release my dreams for him.  Release strings and release expectations and release anything that I'm holding on to. 
Release him to God to be all God has for him to be.

But I still cherish those memories of little chubby hands tangled up in my hair as he fell asleep and I love that he still calls his mom and tells me he loves me!!!

So every step and breath will carry a prayer the next 10 days for this young man and my baby.

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