For a six year stretch, we hit a very tough patch in every area of our lives. The stress was literally killing us. I'm going to apologize now for a long post that I hope will let someone in our blogging community "off the hook" so to speak.
Spiritually we had become numb. Believing for others was much easier then believing for ourselves. We had been deeply wounded by people that we loved the most...family and church family.
Instinctively we began to draw a cacoon around our hearts which led to an unraveling of so many other relationships. We know that if people could have seen how broken we were they would either reject us or reach out to us. We wanted neither.
Emotionally, we had succumbed to trying to please and make things happen. We were completely worn out which led to fraying of our minds. Depressed and anxious and exhausted within our very being.
Mentally, we were still trying to move forward and learn and grow but it is so hard to do when the stress is that profound. Our minds wouldn't retain or create or dream.
Physically, the stress and exhaustion had caught up to us and we were breaking down. My husband's asthma was worse and I began having kidney issues and diabetes. We became seriously addicted to coffee and sugar.
Relationally, my husband and I lived separate lives. Two is better then one but it does take time and energy. We relied on each other but not in a healthy way. We pulled away from family and friends and colleagues. We felt so alone in what we were going through that I think "being alone" made it easier to cope with.
Financially, we were broke. What we did have went to our ministry. Somehow I think that we believed the whole priming the imaginary pump would work. Our time was invested in volunteer work to the point of our own economic collapse.
Pastoring, ministry, full time jobs and three young sons were all callings that we wanted to do our best in. We wanted to play and relax and spend time with our kids "Being" with them.
I had heard of Pastors taking sabaticals and was pouting and feeling sorry for myself about how this would never happen to us when I read a story of a couple committing to mini-sabatacles. Phhh...we had never had a vacation!
However, once hope ignites, it is very difficult to put it out again! God spoke to me about seasons which is something I could relate to. How intentional gardeners and farmers are to take advantage of the seasons and to know when to plant, rest the fields and harvest.
My steps to this include:
Beginning with the big picture, I envisioned the season of life we were in developmentally!
Next, I looked at the calendar as a tool to be intentional and not an enemy to my soul! I noted naturally occurring cycles. Then I thought about our energy levels and when they were the highest and when we struggled the most.
Then, I noted beginning and ending of semesters for our boys' school provided great markers. Holidays and months and seasons were additional markers for us. Sunday afternoon and evening was a natural place for us to rest and have extended family time and planning.
I identified times our church and work families were the most in need. We couldn't have our let down at the same time. Knowing that we would have a time of refreshing allowed us to dive in and be with hurting people without that feeling of resentment that exhaustion can bring.
Other areas:
Expensive times of the year.
Grieving times.
Family times.
Free time.
Integrating my Life:
After doing this, I really reflected on my mission for my life and our mission for our lives and our ministry and family. What fit and what didn't.
How effective was summer sunday school or evening service when no one came? In what ways could we be more effective in leading our church family to rest and fellowship?
What activities in our church denomination were important to us and what we could cut without guilt and self-condemnation.
When was a good time for us to let down and just do the bare minimum?
Could we fit the maintenance part of our lives in chunks so we knew that we had a time and place for home and the church to do the "fix its?"
Could I have an integrated plan for all of the family ministries around a monthly theme to simplify and deepen all of us?
What months were for what. ie. December-wrapping up. Have new years goals outlined. January. Planning. Teaching. Reading and learning. February. Focus intensely on marriage and family. Planning. March. Rebirth. Beginning to plant in my garden and in ministry.
Next, I looked at days of the week. When would a family night fit? How many nights a week would I allow myself to be away from family?
Does this make sense? For me it has given me a freedom that I have never felt. And a new form of rest and waiting on God that is so freeing and renewing!
Trust God with and in the season of life that you are in. Allow His Holy Spirit prune, plant, sow and breathe new life within you and those you love!
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