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Learning to Let Go- "Not letting our hang ups become theirs."




Healthy relationships are built through experience.  All of those tiny second by second, interactions. 
  
It is simple and happening all around us.  It's hard and happens within us.

I remember each of my boys' exploration as infants.  They would pull themselves up to the edge of furniture and begin those tottering steps of walking.  

My responses and reactions to their exploration impacted their confidence.  If I would jump or in some way tell them not to, they would hesitate and typically fall.  

So I learned to smile, watch, encourage and stand close in as nonchalant a matter as possible.  

Controlling (as much as possible) my own fear of letting go.
butterfly pictures, butterflies picture 
It is hard work to grow up and involves very difficult struggle.  At the same time, it is hard work to let go.  To deal with the fear and hang ups within.

When my oldest went to school at a new "huge" school I was the terrified one.  When my second left for the summer to work with my sister and my baby spent most of the summer with family...I was in panic.  It was everything I could do to not drive up and pick them up.
butterfly pictures, butterflies picture 


My oldest left the day after graduation from high school to work with family.  I grieved in a way I never thought possible.  This oldest son had a way of always thinking the best of  others' intentions, which didn't always match their true intentions.   
I had to let him go when he went to boot camp and then again for technical school for SERE training.  I have let him go daily.  I smiled, watched, encouraged, believed and stood ready to support if needed and trying not to show my fear.

I wept when my second son drove away from home to college, football and his dreams.  I cried out of fear and worry for him as well as longing and loss for me.  It was his time.  I smiled, watched, encouraged, believed and stood ready to support if needed and trying not to show my fear.

Now, my baby has fallen for a young lady from Norway.  She has completely stole his heart and I've watched him grow into a man.  My heart aches for him as we prepare for her to go back home.  I can't prepare him for the loss or sheild him from the pain and I really don't want to.  I am smiling, watching, encouraging, believing and standing ready to support if needed and trying not to show my fear.

I hear the fear in a sister's facebook post as she deals with this releasing of her first born and I feel the fear in friends in town whose faces wear their struggle.  

Watch, smile, encourage, believe and stand ready for support...I whisper.  


Don't hold on or the leaving will be more painful.  Let go, stay and pray.  Release them to be all God wants them to be.  Don't let our hang ups be put on them. 

Enjoy this process.  Enjoy their setting out.  Encourage their conquering and believe in their success.  

Our fear or desire to help and hold, will only be chains that trip them up.  

Now is the time to focus on processing our own stuff, building relationships and walking down new paths.  

Once again, leading and opening the way for our children.

Our gift to our children at any age and any stage is smiling, believing, encouraging and standing ready to support them in their journeys.
 

 Circle of Security Parenting gives a great "map" of the going out and coming in of children (and others) we are in a relationship with.  http://circleofsecurity.net/resources/treatment-assumptions/


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