HEART'S CRY

I've tried living in denial for two years after the big D diagnoses was handed over.  Honestly, I just don't want to talk about it.  Outwardly seemly calm and disconnected from it.  Inwardly terrified. As a plant that is stressed is open to disease, injury and death so to our bodies are.  I opened myself up to this.  Stress, lack of sleep, bad nutrition, overweight and lack of exercise.  For some reason I believed that if I ran fast enough and worked hard enough, I would outrun my family genes.  The tiny room in the back of my brain locked with a key has kept the fear of this disease at bay even though I could hear its screaming when life quieted down. My Aunt died piece by piece to this disease.  First a heart attack and quadruple by-pass.  Then a toe.  Next a foot.  Legs came next along with more heart attacks.  Kidneys shutting down.  She died very young. When I was little, my Aunt Ally gave herself s...

The 107 degree heat and constant wind in Nebraska is wreaking havoc on any growing thing without the mature roots to sustain the plant.  I called home to make sure my boys water by baby plants just out on their own. My thoughts then returned to the discussion today with the Department of Education and Health and Human Services as well as Nebraska Children and Families Foundation on Supporting Children's Social Emotional Development and Early Learning throughout Nebraska. This is the passion of my life.  Not to tell parents what to do or provide one more "parenting class" or lecture on what they should do.  Not to usurp the role of parents in the lives of their children. Rather, my hope is to be available to stand beside families as they support and engage their own children and set their own family goals.   To walk beside parents in the most critical calling.  To stand with providers and foster parents and those pouring their love into our lit...

Driving across Nebraska gave me the time and space for some reflective thinking as well as some heart to hearts with God.                     God, is there honor in the staying?  In the holding on?  In the not letting go? What if I can't hold on?  What if the fire dims and the passion gets cold and the spirit is weak?   Who am I to think that I have strength within myself to hold the ropes?  How dare I think that I can in my own independence and self-sufficiency climb out of my own hole?  Weathering the torrents and wind and enemies within myself will just leave me hanging. God, hold me.  Hold my family.  Hold my friends, church and nation.  Knowing that you have us in your strong hands gives us the courage to be who you want us to be.   Your strength propels us out on a limb and gives the boldness to follow your l...

When I was young, my parents gave me a Bee Gee's record box and some records.  One of my favorite was Kenny Rogers-The Gambler.  I would sing this song...very loudly... while cutting hay at the end of a long hot summer day.  "You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away and know when to run." So as I struggle through these emotions of my Michael leaving soon for college this song is running through my head.  O.k. not the "know when to fold em."  But I do have to know when to hold them and when to release them. I'm wrestling with my thoughts and emotions in an attempt to rein them in as I ride this transition.  Drawing on my growing up on horses, I remind myself to sink into the saddle.  To ride with a light hand on the reins and stay in the movement.  To join with and not to fight.   To know when to hold the reins and when to let go.  My boys are held in my heart and will be until I...

If you have not been able to see "Act of Valor" in the theater; please take the time to get it and watch it with your family.  The story of our servicemen unfolding in a respectful approach with all of the glory and horror of battle, was heart wrenching. I don't like war.  I don't like the results of war.  I don't like the arguments surrounding war.     BUT the truth is we are at war...constantly.   If we are not fighting and standing our ground... we are losing it. We are at war against the powers and principalities and rulers of this world.  Satan and his hoards of armies are described as "a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour."  Reality is that we live in a fallen corrupt world within the systems set up by a real and constant enemy.   The weapons of our warfare will not take him out.  All of our wisdom, collaboration, seeking, managing, leading or manipulation will never bring Peace on Earth....

All of my life Has been The Cry of my Heart For belonging To Him All of my life Will be Has been Is For Them All of my life My Heart will Cry Will Break Bleed Hope Dream Of Them All of my life My Heart will beat Outside Vulnerable Held out Reaching To Them All of my life All of my days Three little boys Are held within Wrapped in my arms In my breath In my prayers Abreast of them All of my life My arms will be Wrapped around these hearts Of my three little boys All around them

Heart's Cry began as my attempt to unmask.  A simple proclamation for a new way of thinking and being.      We can have a great family and be a socially functioning & contributing member of society and yet not be known.     We can go our places of worship, stand and sit appropriately and do the work and ritual of worship without being known or knowing.     We can be within and still outside.  Standing on the outside always looking in.   And yet God in His grace revealed Himself to us.  He wanted us to Know Him in order to have a personal and authentic relationship with Him.  A real knowing...without hoops or strings.  Simple.  But hard.   I'm stunned by God's Grace in His revelation.  Without Him inspiring His written Word to us~to make Himself known~to us we could not know Him. "The absolutely and eternally self-conscious God took the initiative to make him...