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I Knew You Before You Were Born

The first moment that they placed you in my arms and you picked up your head and looked me right in the eye as if to say, "It's you."  When I carried you inside of me; I also carried you inside my heart.  You are part of me.  Part of us.  Part of the family that you come from.  Twenty years has passed in the blink of an eye as I am flooded by memories of your growing up.

Before you were born you were on the go.  Moving.  Telling me what you thought by kicking me if I bent over and squashed you too much.  Dancing while I struggled through piano lessons.  You would tease your Dad by darting away just as he would put his hand on my belly and then all of sudden you would kick like crazy.

"Congratulations! You are going to have a baby!"  That was what the Dr. said at the little clinic in North Dakota.  Shock AND Aw crept over me.  As we numbly walked the few blocks to our first little house hand in hand we said over and over again, "Are we ready for a baby?"  Ready or not you said.

My residents at the nursing home gave me LOTS of advice and mothered me throughout.  Grandma Jessie gave us a rocking chair that Christmas and lots of fruits and veggies so you would be healthy.  Your Aunts drew you pictures and wrote you stories. 


Dad's 4th year of college and my 2nd.  Young and poor but full of vision and dreams!  Our little house as it looks now but when we brought you home, it had blue shutters and fresh paint.  Cold in the North Dakota winter.  Mom had helped me hang sheets as curtains in a very clever way.



You were born to many who loved you.  Your Grandmothers who tried to get as close as possible to the surgery room.  Your Grandpa's and especially your Aunts.  The residents from the nursing home who had your baby shower.  And... to your Dad and I who love you so much.

I'll never forget your Dad who had never held a baby before shooing Grandma and I out of the kitchen so he could give you a bath.  The sight of your Dad gently hovering over you is etched in my mind's eye.

One very cold spring night we were holding you close taking turns kissing your head, touching your hands and smoothing your hair.  "How is it possible to love someone this much?" Almost on cue you reached your chubby little hand up and wrapped it in my hair.

At that moment we understood.  We would love you forever.  Unconditionally.  Faithfully.  Without doubt.  You would be treasured and cherished and adored.  

We finally understood the way that God as our Father feels about us.  How God could love us so much to send His son for us.  The passion and His sacrifice for us.  His children.  We knew what it means to be family.  

Even tonight as far away as you are from me- I hold you close.   I still feel that crazy love for you.  I always will.  You will never outgrow it.  We are still holding you and your brothers between us within the arms of our hearts.  

Happy Birthday!

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