HEART'S CRY

I preached yesterday on Joel 1 and 2.  What an amazing truth as we went "full circle" from judgment to blessing.  My favorite verse was Joel saying, "Wake Up You Drunkards," and realizing that he is speaking to all of the ways that we dull or lull ourselves into unresponsiveness.   Desensitizing ourselves to the point of complete apathy.  David Wilkerson says, "Don't let Satan take the fight out of you."   Where oh were is our passion?   Has it been placated and cautioned and put to sleep?   Where is our fight?  Are we so pampered, sleepy, entertained and hopeless to the point of losing the will to fight? A friend wrote me sharing the cry of her heart of giving up the fight.  She has had it.  Done.  The temptation to succumb to hopelessness is beating her down.  The darkness much to heavy she said.  And yet her boys need her.  FIGHT!   Turn your anguish into passion.   Al...

My husband is reading "The Divine Comedy" in his spare time lately.  I joined him on the couch and he read it aloud to me.   We reminisced about how he read Beowulf during our summer English Lit class in college while we painted our first little house.   I would paint and he would read to me. We began reading aloud to the boys almost as soon as they were home from the hospital.  Beautiful children's books at the beginning.   Later, nights would find David reading Chronicles of Narnia, Redwall Series, Lord of the Rings, Pilgrim's Progress and the Bible to us.   His voice took us to so many mysterious and exciting places together as a family.  And his voice in the quiet of the night made the world right and usually put three boys and a wife to sleep! I love to hear his voice and could listen all day long to him singing or talking with his boys about a book or a song or a movie.   His voice has corrected, affirmed, vali...

Just stop.  Just quit.  hmmmm.  If only it were that simple.  To you who have struggled with anxiety know it is not so simple.  I used to get soooo angry when people or books would throw out cliche's. As we go through our lives together sharing our Heart's Cry and being vulnerable and real on this journey then together we can move forward!!! It is very hard work to build tools and the mental muscle and to retrain our brains and the spiritual muscle to shape our hearts.   To stop.  To think. To overcome.  To praise.  Not just words.  It is so not simple especially at first.  It takes hard work and so much practice but doing it is so much better then letter our minds run wild!  Work. Trial and Error. Getting up after falling.  Work.  Persistence. What Works (Most the time) for Me in worry, stress, anxiety and anger if I will do it! Stop:   Carve out time.  I don't allow myself to think at all! Thou...

 This is what I taught my boys to use when they were wiggly and in lessons about attitude.  It is a method of shifting our hearts and our minds into neutral long enough to slow them down and regain bearings.   Today...I've needed it.  Both my anxious heart and mind have been on overdrive lately.  Stuck in a very high gear.   Living this way leads to reactivity and living out of that sense of panic.  An example was calling my husband in a panic and a huff to clean up the house before our son's friend came home.    My anxious heart's cry puts everyone edge. I've always been wired and I'm someone that goes at everything with all I have.  My strengths include activator, restorative and belief.  But when I'm anxious...my greatest strengths become my greatest hindrances. So I need to just stop. Stop.  Stop Moving.  Stop Thinking. Be Still. Think.  Think about the truth.  The truth of His Word.  The tr...

My middle son with boots on and a thermos of coffee in hand was leaving for work early this morning. I took my coffee and sat at the table by my back window, after following him around a  minute trying to make him breakfast and seeing what he needed.  With a "good bye Mom," he was out the door getting his saddle from the shed.   I caught his eye and pointed to the screen door where Oreo was standing at attention and begging for his pat and good bye.  So coffee in hand he opened the door and patting our little black and white dog put Oreo's day right. Watching Oreo as my son left reminded me... of me!  He watched him turn the corner and then ran to the front door to watch him drive off. Giggling I told him how much alike we are.  A goodbye hug or a pat on the head and a few minutes of telling us good bye and the world is right. We are happy.  Life is good.   Maybe that is why my husband kindly says to my boys once in a while, "Throw ...

My family was honored today in being invited to participate in a young ladies life as she was confirmed in her church.   A special service to honor those confirmed was held and then lunch together after.    Saturday we were blessed to be part of a wedding between two very special people.  We were so privileged to be part of their public announcement of commitment and love. Big days are important in our lives.  Establishing a marker.  A line in the sand.  A place to look back on and say with assurance that something big happened.  Important days with public commitment and family support and participation.  Our church doesn't have a formal confirmation but we have big days as well.  Baby dedications, graduations, mission trips, testimonies...  Our family celebrates big days such as birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter and Valentines Day, New Years Day and end of school days.  Sundays are always ...

Or am I just holding on to whatever I can while going in circles?   Why is it that I hold on so tight to things that will never matter and have my hands too full to hold on to what does?     What is it going to take to extricate myself from these unhealthy worries, obsessions and attachments?   To release those that I care about to the only one who can really take care of them.  To focus on what is mine to carry. What is truly my responsibility?  Not with the clasped hand of fear, doubt and anxiety but with a steady, relaxed and trusting hand.  Not a frantic grasping and clinging but rather the simple trusting faith of a little child. Some of us have learned through experience to hold on with a death grip or risk being shaken off like a pesky bug.   The fear of letting go so much worse then the fear of holding on.  It becomes a habit and a way of thinking to the point that it becomes just the way we are. And yet......

Duped... or not.   A young man came to the door selling magazines as part of his "education" in preparation for public speaking. It was raining and cold so I let him in. He gave me a card of identification and told a pretty good story but I caught on when I saw the stick figure in the picture box, but I let him continue.   He used his strategy of, "I need to write this out so do you mind if I sit down?"  "Sure, I said."  (Know that my three giant men were in the basement listening to everything.)  I really kept it together until he mentioned that his Dad was in the Navy and then proceeded to the, "He is a Navy Seal and has been gone for three months.  I'm sure worried about him with all that is happening."  I saw it coming.   Then he did it.  Even I-the gullible one knew what was going to be next.  I couldn't believe how far he would go to dupe me.  And he did it.  Insinuating that his Dad had something to do wit...

Do you remember that old song, "It's A Small World After All?"  In my little one room school that was a favorite growing up.  I was exploring my blog today and found out that I could see what country people were from who had visited with me and was amazed.  The map had spots around the globe and that thrills me!  To think that so many of us can be tied together by our heart's cry.   It is a wonderful feeling to be part of something bigger and yet comforting to know that I'm just a small piece in the wonderful tapestry God weaves together.  I don't have to sit and spin.  Rather I just have be.  And so do you.   God can bring us together in to his wonderful work! Friends across the world I wonder about you!  Who you are and what the cry of your heart is today.  I want to just say, "How are you?"  Really, what is happening in your neck of the woods?  What are the desires of your heart? To have all the time in t...

So 300 miles later and home from my Sandhill Journey.  A work day but I enjoyed every minute of it!!!  Hope you enjoy the visual journey with me! (Don't mind my photography!)   Amazing what you can see when one drives the speed limit and is aware of all that is around!  I saw a giant eagles nest, countless ducks, swan, pelican, coyote, babies galore and beautiful grasses and colors every mile along the way. Step One:  Lake Mac. Lake McConaughy "Morning Glory" Lake is Full!  "Nearly everything about Lake McConaughy is big! Its 35,700 surface acres make it Nebraska's largest reservoir with over 100 miles of shore line. At full storage, McConaughy is 20 miles long, four miles wide and 142 feet deep at the dam. The dam is among the largest of its type in the world, and the fish grow to trophy proportions, accounting for several state records. Even its nickname, "Big Mac" reflects its giant stature." (http://www.lakemcconau...

My sister Jimmie sent me this answer to my question about what her favorite flower/tree and time of year is and this was her beautiful response.  Our favorite plants say something about our Heart's Cry! "Flowers-zinnias , they remind me of mom- vibrant, cheery, (drought and pest tolerant.)Mom always plants Zinnias in her garden.When all of the garden plant have wilted from the long hot summer days Mom's Zinnias are still pretty and bring a smile to everyone's face (or at least mine)!.      Cottonwood Tree   Tree- cottonwoods, big beautiful, I love the silvery leaves and the sound that they make in the wind.  Fun times were spent under the cottonwoods on the river.   Cedar Trees Also, I think of Dad when I see cedar trees and how he planted so many to protect his livestock.  I have two small cedar trees planted in my back yard that Dad gave me four years ago.  The trees came up volunteer in his yard. He dug them up, br...

Mel Gibson screaming FREEDOM every time someone calls Dave Ramsey to tell him they are debt free... rings in my very soul!   That guttural cry reverberates throughout my being.  FREEDOM!   What I live for.  What I fight for.  What I would die for. Today as I drive hundreds of miles through the sand hills my heart will be soaring along beside me .  It will be stretching over draws and hollows and wash outs.   Sweeping over the tips of the native grasses and around the windmills.  Racing across the prairie competing with eagles and hawks.  Being near the new baby calves playing, kicking and running.     Swooping between Cedar trees and wild flowers.   Today, my soul will fly free!

Spending the night in Nebraska City, home Arbor Day was a treat!  I've always wanted to go  and I had little time to sight see but I made the most of it.   Pulling the blinds in the morning not the least of which.  Even in the drizzle was spectacular!  I took the time to pull up the comforter and watch out the window for a time. Why are trees so spectacular and magnetic?  They don't "do" anything.  They don't run around trying to make things happen.  I just can't imagine the giant oak wishing to be a pine or a spruce can you?   Thinking about a tree with anxiety or depression is just silly. Or a tree pleaser? They are what they are.  They stay.  They grow.  They do their job right where they are.  Putting their roots down deep soaking up the water and minerals available. Maybe that is why God tells us in the Psalms to be like trees planted by trees of water.  To plant ourselves beside the living water th...

Have I missed something?  Was a memo sent out with instructions on "How to beat around the bush?" or "How to use jargon to keep people fuzzy and confused?"  I must have missed the one that explained that getting to the point is not politically correct?  Speaking out of all sides of our mouth is in vogue as well as mushy expectations.  Would someone please help me understand all of this? My  memo would read: Don't use subtleties. Don't use jargon. Say what you are going to say. Don't be offended when people ask questions!!! If you have a question...Ask IT! If you have a concern...Raise IT. If you disagree with me... IT's O.k.!!!!!!  I do too sometimes! Honesty is more respectful to others then hiding or talking in circles.  People can handle it.   They don't need you to protect them.   They don't need you to do it for them.  

Feeling out of place my first year of college is an understatement.  Not knowing anyone wasn't as big of a deal as not knowing how to get to know anyone.   It was as if they were speaking a foreign language and I had just been shoved on my face in the middle of a new culture.  I had stepped through the black hole into another world.     So on a very chilly fall morning in North Dakota, I was walking from the classrooms to my dorm lost in thought when someone said, "Where ya going?"  My heart jumped as I looked in to those dark brown eyes and answered, "to my dorm."  He took my arm and said, "No you can't.  You're walking me to class!"  And so I did! He was a photographer, sound guy, played the saxophone and the guitar, played chess and... drank hot herbal tea!  Whoa!  He was so cool!  I thought he was the most amazing and fascinating person I had ever met.  Found out later that he was just as fascinated with this cowgir...

While working at a Christian Bible Ranch the summer after I graduated, I solidified what God had been speaking to my heart all of my life.  I needed to go to Bible College and wanted to go help kids.  But it was a heartrending decision.  I had to leave all of my sisters and that about killed me. My Mom finally called a college and asked if they would still take me two weeks before classes started.  Then they sent the list of requirements.......  I about died!  No jeans to class.  Dresses and skirts and slacks and shoes.  Shoes?  Curfew. ETC. ETC. So off we went to the scariest place on earth... the mall.   Mom took me to the store telling the lady what was needed and I was promptly attacked and held captive in the dressing room.   Several hours later and very much poorer and I had a new wardrobe. Packing my belongings in my old 66 Chevy that belonged to my school teacher and with sisters at my side and my parents traili...

Can't go on a BIG trip?  We go on lots of little ones.  Several years ago, we began the practice of mini sabbaticals each summer to refuel our batteries and defragment our cluttered minds. (Mostly does the trick!) We miss what is right under our noses.  Literally.  Exploring the land and the history under our feet.  Stopping by and exploring those historical markers.  Reading the history of your town, county and state. Intentional Exploration is what I call our summer explore. Wild Horse Springs:  A haven of hope and encouragement for roadweary cowboys and pioneers.     While looking up the above marker online- I found that an another amazing site existed hidden in plain view.   A place where three trails converged.   Poising! Texas Trail-Oregon Trail-Pony Express Chisholm Trail Sand Hill Station or Gill's Station Oregon Trail Pony Express-Gill's Station All I could think ...

This morning woke to news that the tackshed, calving barns & sheds and corrals had burned to the ground.  God was looking out for them in so many ways.   A young airman was fishing at the river about 3 miles away and saw the flames leaping up and drove up to find cell phone coverage and called 911.  He knocked on my parents house but he didn't hear so the man walked right in and yelled to wake him up. Looking at the positive my Mom said, "Well I will be able to see the sunsets on the Black Hills now." I spent more time in the tackhouse and barns then I did in my house.  Whenever I'm asked about my favorite room in my house growing up- it was always the tackshed.   As a little girl it was a mysterious fortress with so much to see and explore.  The tackshed was an old homestead house with a ladder up to a little attic.  My Mom used to shake her head and say, "How did any woman raise kids in this place and stay sane?" I would climb up in to th...