The environment in which I grew up nurtured a fascination of behavior...in animals and in people. The book
for understanding animals seemed hardwired in my brain while learning to read
people has always been by trial and error. I learned about people through
my experience with animals.
What I know now is that my
strength is in "connecting." Finding those links and
connections across time, people and individual systems. If a strategy worked
with the horses then I would try it with my sisters. Eventually expanding the strategies with my own children and the children that I work
with.
All of this said, while taking
the long way around the behavior of "the discussion."
Discussion can feel like a tug of war.
Discussion can feel like a tug of war.
As a young girl trying to lead a horse
many many times bigger then me, I learned quickly that direct tug of war was
not ever going to work. If, however, I could get them off balance, the horse would
take a confused step forward.
This was a life saving strategy
when it came to getting five little sisters to do chores. If I could get
them off balanced and "have a race" to clean up...life was good.
I was blessed with three very
intelligent, strong willed little boys! Distracting and taking them off
balance was again a life saving strategy. When they were little, it was
much easier. "Why can't I...?" One would ask. "Look
it's a huge eagle," I would respond and we were on a new
adventure.
Then birthdays brought
double digit numbers, and I again felt as if I was in a tug of war for my
life. Taking strong willed, intelligent teenagers off balance is an
entirely new skill!
I learned the
"broken record" strategy. "It's not up for
discussion." "Nevertheless, it's not up for
discussion." "Bummer, it's not up for discussion."
"I'm sorry. It's not up for discussion."
Turning away, not
looking at them and more sophisticated distraction techniques were learned as a
matter of survival. I had told them that they choose with their feet and
in what they do.
Dr. Kevin Leman's book "How
to Make Children Mind Without Losing Yours," had an entire chapter on
"Pulling the Rug out from under the Little Buzzards." Or
something like that. I read the Strategic Training to Effective Parenting
to learn the Four Goals of Misbehavior from Alfred Adler's work.
Lately, I have considered how to
deal with "the discussion" issue with myself. If one stepped
into my world to be part of these ensuing discussions between myself and
myself...you too would be scared.
However, while reading
Jon Acuff's book, "Quitter," I found my answer TO myself.
"So when you sit down to do
whatever it is you feel called to do, one of the other main obstacles you'll
have to face is 'the discussion.' It's annoying and tricky and sly.
It ruins more dreams than just about anything else on planet, but there is a
way to beat it. There is a way to stop it. And the best way to do
that, the best way to crush the discussion, is with a decision." ..."So decide once. And
then just do it. Death to the discussion obstacle." (Acuff, Jon. p.
67 2011 Lampo Licensing, LLC.)
Finally, the FINAL
word. The last word...is to myself. "It is not up for
discussion!" "I'm making a decision, and you can't talk me out
of it. NO discussion! I'm choosing with my feet!"
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