HEART'S CRY

Celebrating 2013 and looking forward to 2014! I love the New Year.  For me, I feel God's mercy and grace as I give to Him my mistakes, wasted time, sin and regrets.  I ask Him to redeem the year and use it to bring us to where He wants us to be in the next.  I believe God enjoys celebrations.  He celebrated on the day after creation!  Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and His mercy.  He instituted the feast in the OT to help His people remember His work in their lives.  He encouraged altars to be built as markers in time for the generations to come. He is God and will do His work in us and through us.  He will use events, hardships and losses to mold us into the people He wants us to be.  He uses people to sharpen us and to show us the places in us we need to grow.  Even the people we do not like,  are in our lives for a reason.   For us to be thankful for.  "Rejoice Always," and "Give Thanks in ...

I'm notorious for laughing until I cry... during commercials.  My family believes someone would make a lot of money if they created a movie of just commercials. Since this is the season of new car commercials, I have watched the Ford Fusion multiple times. The couple discusses the value of the Fusion having great gas mileage and a great ride.   "I like AND better," the man states after remember a time he chose nuts or bolts and the swimming pool fell apart. This picture was in mind when I read Jon Acuff's second chapter of "Start."  He targets our tendencies to think we have to choose dreaming or reality.   He states, "You have to step into the tension.  You have to be: a realist and a dreamer practical and impractical logical and illogical You have to be brutally realistic about your present circumstances and wildly unrealistic about your future circumstances." (Acuff, Jon 2013) These words pierced my heart and will not l...

I love chapters.  Beginnings and endings.   Bookends.  Turning my wall calendar to a new month.  Family trees.  Movie endings (if they bring completion).  Beautiful obituaries.  Historical timelines.  Finishing a journal.   Turning a page.     Stories people tell..."Once Upon a time and The End." When I pick up a new book for the first time, I review the content page first.  I love to read acknowledgements, introductions and the jacket covers.  Next, I read the topic sentence in each chapter and the last paragraph of the book.  I gently "break in" a new book this way.  If it is a book, I will use as a resource, I tag each chapter.   Finally,  coffee cup in hand and a comfy sunny spot and I'm ready to be lost in the book. Building the context.  A framework.  A structure to hang the pictures on as I read.   Creating a world.  Build...

My oldest son was home for Christmas from the military.  My second son is home for Christmas and break from college.  My youngest son has one more year at home. I love my boys.  I always thought those Moms were so weird...the ones who went gaga over their messy little babies.  Until I had one of my own. I was twenty one and a Junior in Bible college when I had my first.  It was in Biology class where I felt him move.  During a piano lesson and worship he danced.  When I leaned over too much at work for his liking, he kicked me.  I was falling in love with this life within me. Then, he was born.  Black haired and giant brown eyed baby boy.   He was so strong.  Lying on my tummy, he picked up his head and looked at me.  All of that kicking and moving, I told him. He knew me.  He knew his Dad.  We knew him.  My heart was broken with the love overwhelming me. How could anyone love this muc...

I'm reading Matthew again and thinking about the Christmas story.  I've always skipped the 16 verses of Genealogy, wondering why Matthew would use take so much time to detail it.  What is the big deal?? This year finds me working on my own family tree, giving new meaning to Matthew 1:1-16.   Jesus was born to a family.  Verse 16 states, "and Jacob the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus, who is called Christ." Jesus was born to an imperfect family.  To a humble family.  A letter referencing Andy Stanley's "An Unexpected Christmas" DVD made a profound statement.  Gayle Hadden with Mom's in Touch stated, "there’s some eye-popping family dirt highlighted in this genealogy that would have made his contemporary Jewish audience gasp at its inclusion. Was there really a need to dig some people out of the family closet? Why allude to Judah who sold his brother Joseph into slavery and committed incest wit...

I'm sick of walking on egg shells. Sick of being head shy. What would happen if I allow myself to dream the dreams I really have?   To feel the fire in the pit of my belly or the twirl that only comes from going off the edge?   What would it look like if I set the goals to reach the vision I really have? If I thumbed my nose at realism and jumped head first into the river of life? How long have I shook my finger at the crazy ideas in my head while giving them the Mom disapproving look? You can't do that Heather. Who are you to think you can do that?  What in the world are you thinking?  That is dangerous. Be reasonable.  Think of yourself.   What about the risk? Look what you will lose and give up. I want to live.  I want to make a leap of faith again.   I want to let go of all that I am or have or think I have to be and jump into what God is calling me to. I want to let go o...

My mind races. What can I do for my family and friends this holiday season to show them how much they mean to me?   How can I do this without spending money?  Or making things difficult and complicated. Will I have the energy and drive to make this season special? Going through the motion of "making it about Jesus" is not enough.   I can say it, but can I do it?  Jesus.  My Savior.  My Leader.  My Friend.  The one I am to be like and follow and attain to.   You know, Jesus.  Who came to earth as a baby.   He, who came to earth as fully divine and fully human.  Who walked with the needy, broken, exhausted and sinful.   You know, "The reason for the season," Jesus.   Jesus did Extraordinary Acts constantly while on earth.  And I'm to do more? Back to the question, "What can I do to show my love to my family and friends this Christmas season?" What ...

Home I've been away from you for a few days... And am happy to see you. You are little and worn out and needing repair. Frumpy and eclectic. I look around and what do I see? Repairs and maintenance and to do's galore... You can be a little overwhelming. Then I remember... Three little boys playing fort in the basement. Hide and seek with the Boston Terrier chasing them up and down the stairs. Sliding down the stairs. Block castles and barns and farms. The hole in the wall from the skateboard that slid across the floor. Or the blow gun, air soft or dart board wounds. The shed that had been the play house, club house, fort, shop and then garden house. I also see the new insulation & Sheetrock put up by the men in my house. I'll never forget the sounds of laughter and teasing as the "construction" continued. Do we have a lot to do? Absolutely. However, don't ever assess value to my home based on the ma...

This group has amazed me.  I leave gleeful, burdened, hopeful and exasperated. Yep, all at the same time. This night was no different.  Even as I whispered to myself, "Be with" over and over again as I listened to the story, I wept in my heart. Head down.  Eyes turned. Beanie in his hand.  Courageous beyond belief.  He told of what it was like to be a three year old in an orphanage/foster home.  He shared one memory.   He was naughty so they sent him out in the dark to let the monsters get him because that is what happens to naughty boys.  Monsters get them. Monsters and demons have been after him every since.  Terrorizing this little boy hidden behind the tough mask of this man.  A man who adores his children.  He wants the world for them and is terrified of that same world. Incredibly humbled to be in this moment with him.  With the group.   I wish more then anything, they could see themselves, the way I ...

Reading Brendon Burchard's book, "The Charge," has been a painful endeavor.  While I highly recommend the book, it is  challenging to reflect on these ten human drives. I have to admit...I skipped "quite a bit."   The Audiobook gave me a second chance.   Brendon Burchard "hooked me" with the brain research integrated throughout the chapters.  The Drive for Control is an amazing chapter.  Focusing on our outlook and our character.  Directing our focus and effort.  Being aware of how important it is to maintain a "sane and positive perspective about the world, its important to better guard the information you consume."   He continues,  "all that information you are consuming consciously and unconsciously is creating undue stress and unease in your life, and to a degree you probably don't understand.  For every bit of data that comes into your life, you brain attaches meaning and emotion to it.  This...

An interesting dream joined me in waking this morning.  Walking down a trail to a creek with a young family in the midst of struggle.  No clue who this family was.  Where were we going?  What were we doing?  What is this about? I think in pictures and dream in stories!  A story to go with God's lessons to me in "Being With" and walking with. Thinking about Jesus this morning and His life on earth.  God becoming man and walking around this broken, exhausting and amazing world.   He did not "chase people down" to help them them.   He did not expect anyone to cater to Him, but rather He came to serve. He did not have strings attached to His healing and His giving.  Can you imagine Jesus saying, "If I give you fish...you have to go to church," type of thing that drives me nuts. He met people where they were and walked with them.  He was who He was.  He said He was there for one purpose...To Do T...

Congruence.  I'm having a love hate relationship with this word. I went to bed with congruence and woke up conflicted. What does it mean?  How does it impact my life and the outcomes of my work?  As my amazing elementary teacher said, "look it up."  So I did. Congruence, as defined by Merriam-Webster is, " the quality or state of agreeing, coinciding, or being congruent. Matching or in agreement with something." Consistent, conformable, compatible and coherent. Roots: Middle English, from Latin congruere to come together, fit in, agree. It is a math term, so of course foreign to me! Integrity comes to mind.  So I looked that up as well. "The state of being whole and undivided. Unimpaired condition.  Soundness.  Complete.  All according to Merriam-Webster.  Oxford states it is from the Latin word meaning whole.   Integrity is a skill. One source states, " integrity is revealed when your actions and ch...

Dejunking priorities seems to be a constant process. Maybe this is the point of my de-junking marathon...to realize it is a process and not a one and done deal.  What I'm Learning: 1.  To keep it natural, routine and simple. It is within me to complicate.  I'm a pro!  Giving myself permission to simply de-junk within my daily routine and daily environments is a relief.  I don't need to add it to the schedule or the to do list. 2.  I need to de-junk continuously.  I'm working hard to deal with paper once.  To create systems and procedures.  Even if the system is a pile! 3.  De-junking is a matter of the heart first. Making it a priority is a priority. Natural.  Process.  Continuous.  Routine.   My mantra for de-junking the next six days.

Decide...  I am. I cannot be one way or another anymore. I cannot be pushed away and pulled close. I cannot be torn and together.   I cannot face and look away. I cannot be here and there. I cannot be the person you want me to be, because you don't even know who that person is. I cannot make you happy nor make you mad. I cannot put one foot in front of the other while chained to the floor. I cannot meet the expectations of your insecurity. I cannot succeed and fail; try and fall; drive and be along for the ride. I cannot be in charge without the charge or be responsible without the responsibility.   I cannot submit and lead; follow and do. I cannot.  I cannot.  I cannot.  I cannot. Decide...  I am. I will be one way. I'll walk one way. I'll follow or I'll lead. I'll submit or I'll have authority. I'll have the responsibility with the leadership or I'll do my pa...

I grew up in an amazing country churches led my some pretty amazing men and women, who came to the end of the earth.   The kind-hearted old Pastor whose gentle hand greeted us every Sunday morning.  I don't even remember but his name but I remember his voice when he sang, "Just as I am," each Sunday.  One of those times, I gave my heart to the Lord.  I remember coming in the back step to the baptismal on the day I was baptized and the line of neighbors who hugged me after.   Pastor Frank came to our little country church at a very difficult and important time in my pre-teen life.  He came with his really weird drawl, foreign culture and three peculiar and amazing kids.  Of all of his family, his Mother, reached my soul.  From Georgia to South Dakota they traipsed.  I loved the light and love of their home. "Folks" from their home church helped build a parsonage on to the trailer house beside the church as a mission outreach. ...

My puppy loves me.  And he has a thing with my feet. If I'm reading at my chair, he brings his toys and treasures and lays on my feet. When I work at the table, he sleeps on my feet under it. If I'm the first one to bed, he is at my feet until his boy (my son) takes him to bed. Something about his lovingly laying at my feet is endearing.  A simple act of love and adoration. Seeing myself at the "feet of Jesus," in this simple act of puppy love and submission.   I bring my treasures, burdens, hopes, dreams and pains to Jesus and lay them on His feet.  He reaches down and pats my head, reminding me to leave it there and he loves me. Check out Luke 10:38-42.  Mary sat at His feet, without distraction and with adoration.  Lord, help me to be still and sit quietly at your feet today.  Allow me to see how much you love me, just for me being me and bringing me to you.   I want to Simply Want To BE WITH YOU. ...