Skip to main content

Decide. I am.


Decide...  I am.

I cannot be one way or another anymore.

I cannot be pushed away and pulled close.

I cannot be torn and together.  

I cannot face and look away.

I cannot be here and there.

I cannot be the person you want me to be, because you don't even know who that person is.

I cannot make you happy nor make you mad.

I cannot put one foot in front of the other while chained to the floor.

I cannot meet the expectations of your insecurity.

I cannot succeed and fail; try and fall; drive and be along for the ride.

I cannot be in charge without the charge or be responsible without the responsibility.  

I cannot submit and lead; follow and do.

I cannot.  I cannot.  I cannot. 

I cannot.

Decide...  I am.

I will be one way.

I'll walk one way.

I'll follow or I'll lead.

I'll submit or I'll have authority.

I'll have the responsibility with the leadership or I'll do my part under yours.

Decide...  I am.


Either my life matters or it doesn't.

Either I live or I die.

Either I walk or I sit. 

Either I lose or I win.

Either I carry or I drop.

Either you want me...or you don't.

Decide...  I am.


I am deciding.

I am facing.

I am walking.

I am bold.

I will follow, if you lead.  If you do not lead, I will.

I am healthy.

I am going to live.

I am deciding.



Decide.  I am.




 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

1940 Canned Apple Butter: Family Root Cellar

I loved exploration as a child.  From opening the door and going down the stairs to get something from my Grandma's root cellar or exploring old homesteads while checking cows.  I credit my Mom with teaching us to appreciate those things that represented the people who had gone before us. When I moved with my husband and boys to a house on the family ranch-I began exploring immediately.  This was the house my Aunt and Uncle lived in during my childhood.  My Grandparents had lived there and many other families dating back to 1900 when it was built.   With two little boys in tow, I made my way to the root cellar and found a treasure cove.  Old text books belonging to the original family who had been a teacher, the original medicine cupboard, tools, trash and memorabilia.   I felt like an archeologist sifting through layers of debris representing generations and culture.  And I was.  I hauled truckloads of trash to the dump (some...
4 comments
Read more

Letter to me with Young Boys

(The challenge today is to write a letter to myself of something I know now, I wish I would have known then.) Dear Heather I'm writing to you this morning to remind you how truly fast this time of your life will go and how you will long for it in a few short years. As I write this, I know you will shake your head fiercely and maybe even snort out a curt remark. May 1st, 1991.  You turned 21 in February and became a mom in April. You will be moving soon to begin your ministry. Right now you feel as if the key to your heart was placed in your arms just one week ago. You look in those brown eyes and can't imagine anything else in time. Hold on to that. In a few short years he will be a man and live far away. You will remember the days of him in your arms and will cherish every second. Stop worrying about what people think and about money and what you should do. It will all work out the way it should. You concentrate on being with....
Post a Comment
Read more

Diabetes-Opened to Disease OR Open to Connecting to my Strengths

I've tried living in denial for two years after the big D diagnoses was handed over.  Honestly, I just don't want to talk about it.  Outwardly seemly calm and disconnected from it.  Inwardly terrified. As a plant that is stressed is open to disease, injury and death so to our bodies are.  I opened myself up to this.  Stress, lack of sleep, bad nutrition, overweight and lack of exercise.  For some reason I believed that if I ran fast enough and worked hard enough, I would outrun my family genes.  The tiny room in the back of my brain locked with a key has kept the fear of this disease at bay even though I could hear its screaming when life quieted down. My Aunt died piece by piece to this disease.  First a heart attack and quadruple by-pass.  Then a toe.  Next a foot.  Legs came next along with more heart attacks.  Kidneys shutting down.  She died very young. When I was little, my Aunt Ally gave herself s...
4 comments
Read more