Skip to main content

Broken and Poured Out


If being broken and poured out isn't a path you are prepared to take, then loving children unconditionally is not for you.

Coming back from seven amazing days of 24/7 time with children and staff has left me exhausted and revitalized.  Hopeful and thoughtful.

The fire pit heard  my heart's cry in the night.  I lived at the end of everything about myself.  Physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally at the end.  As I poured my heart out to God for the kids and about the frustrations, He touched me.  

I confessed missteps, pride and any defensiveness...He forgave me.

I told Him, "What were you thinking?  Did I not hear your calling to Direct this camp?"  I went on to point out all of my deficiencies.  

He touched me.

I felt Him as peace settled.   He reminded me of the verse I have clung to for our Royal Family Kids Camp, "I have gone on before and I will bring up the rear."  He has my back.  He fights all of my battles.

He touched me.

"Were you broken today for the kids?  Did you feel physical pain for their lives?  Were you burdened for your staff?  Did you protect and shepherd children toward me?  Did you love my children?"

Yes.  I loved the children with all of my heart.

God, "I have forgotten and misspoke and gotten pushy.  My selfish pride, agenda and flesh have seeped out at times. I've made mistakes."

He touched me.

"Yep.  You have," He said, "And I love you.  Remember, I told you before camp that I AM in front.  I AM where you will go and I WILL be your rear guard."

He touched me.  And I will never be the same.

Oil spilled from a broken jar can never be put back in.  Love from my broken heart will forever be poured out.

"But you will not leave in haste or go in flight; for the LORD will go before you, the God of Israel will be your rear guard." Isaiah 52:12


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Starting a Journey

September 3, 2010 Originally posted How to Begin a Journey 1. Pick a destination or simply start. 2. Plan a detailed itinerary or just take the first step. 3. Pack everything or travel lightly. I am choosing to just begin. To leave behind the baggage, pick up a day pack, and go. Several nights before we moved to Ogallala, I was praying about the transition when I heard that still, small voice of God. In that moment, I knew He heard my Heart's Cry. He hears every whispered plea, every unspoken longing. If I truly sit with that truth, it humbles me. What courage, boldness, passion, and decisiveness I have when I remember: He never leaves or forsakes me. He provides for my every need according to His riches in glory. My hope is to encourage you He hears your Heart's Cry too.
2 comments
Read more

1940 Canned Apple Butter: Family Root Cellar

I loved exploration as a child.  From opening the door and going down the stairs to get something from my Grandma's root cellar or exploring old homesteads while checking cows.  I credit my Mom with teaching us to appreciate those things that represented the people who had gone before us. When I moved with my husband and boys to a house on the family ranch-I began exploring immediately.  This was the house my Aunt and Uncle lived in during my childhood.  My Grandparents had lived there and many other families dating back to 1900 when it was built.   With two little boys in tow, I made my way to the root cellar and found a treasure cove.  Old text books belonging to the original family who had been a teacher, the original medicine cupboard, tools, trash and memorabilia.   I felt like an archeologist sifting through layers of debris representing generations and culture.  And I was.  I hauled truckloads of trash to the dump (some...
4 comments
Read more

Diabetes-Opened to Disease OR Open to Connecting to my Strengths

I've tried living in denial for two years after the big D diagnoses was handed over.  Honestly, I just don't want to talk about it.  Outwardly seemly calm and disconnected from it.  Inwardly terrified. As a plant that is stressed is open to disease, injury and death so to our bodies are.  I opened myself up to this.  Stress, lack of sleep, bad nutrition, overweight and lack of exercise.  For some reason I believed that if I ran fast enough and worked hard enough, I would outrun my family genes.  The tiny room in the back of my brain locked with a key has kept the fear of this disease at bay even though I could hear its screaming when life quieted down. My Aunt died piece by piece to this disease.  First a heart attack and quadruple by-pass.  Then a toe.  Next a foot.  Legs came next along with more heart attacks.  Kidneys shutting down.  She died very young. When I was little, my Aunt Ally gave herself s...
4 comments
Read more