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Broken and Poured Out


If being broken and poured out isn't a path you are prepared to take, then loving children unconditionally is not for you.

Coming back from seven amazing days of 24/7 time with children and staff has left me exhausted and revitalized.  Hopeful and thoughtful.

The fire pit heard  my heart's cry in the night.  I lived at the end of everything about myself.  Physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally at the end.  As I poured my heart out to God for the kids and about the frustrations, He touched me.  

I confessed missteps, pride and any defensiveness...He forgave me.

I told Him, "What were you thinking?  Did I not hear your calling to Direct this camp?"  I went on to point out all of my deficiencies.  

He touched me.

I felt Him as peace settled.   He reminded me of the verse I have clung to for our Royal Family Kids Camp, "I have gone on before and I will bring up the rear."  He has my back.  He fights all of my battles.

He touched me.

"Were you broken today for the kids?  Did you feel physical pain for their lives?  Were you burdened for your staff?  Did you protect and shepherd children toward me?  Did you love my children?"

Yes.  I loved the children with all of my heart.

God, "I have forgotten and misspoke and gotten pushy.  My selfish pride, agenda and flesh have seeped out at times. I've made mistakes."

He touched me.

"Yep.  You have," He said, "And I love you.  Remember, I told you before camp that I AM in front.  I AM where you will go and I WILL be your rear guard."

He touched me.  And I will never be the same.

Oil spilled from a broken jar can never be put back in.  Love from my broken heart will forever be poured out.

"But you will not leave in haste or go in flight; for the LORD will go before you, the God of Israel will be your rear guard." Isaiah 52:12


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