Relational Poverty: Part III Transitions & Empty/Changed Nest

The poverty of identity crisis and transitions and the buffer of relationships to build the capacity to successfully move through them.

If poverty is not having the capacity to fully participate, times of transitions where one's identity is in disarray is a vulnerable time.  These sseasons where we are between one time and another can be a time of great relational poverty.

Young adults are one example.  Facing the metamorphosis of changing from a dependent to a fully independent one is terrifying. Facing it without the relationship and connection of trusted and healthy people is a dangerous precipice at best.

Can you imagine?  A child aging out of foster care and entering this world?  A young person whose closest relationship may be present and yet fully gone. 

So many parents and grandparents are so wrapped up in themselves or in substance abuse, romantic flings, mental illness or working several jobs to survive.  Our young people our growing up and transitioning to adulthood without someone to be available.

You don't believe me?  

Give your undivided attention and unconditional love and respect to a young man or woman and see what happens.  They are desperately seeking connection with someone who will hold the other end of the rope while they make the leap and take the risk.

Young men and women moving from the military world to the civilian and young men and women leaving higher education face tremendous obstacles.  And some are far away from home.  Desperate for validation and connection and sometimes reaching for it in places not healthy.

Parents whose children are beginning school or moving into middle school and high school need relationships to help them have the capacity they need to be the home base for their children.  

And finally, the poverty that can be brought on when children leave and our nest changes.  I thought I would absolutely die when my oldest left.  

When he joined the military and began life very far from me, it was the most horrible loss I had faced to that point.  How did one maneuver this proud mama of an independent son and the ripping gaping wound in my heart?

A few other kind Moms speaking in to my life made all the difference!  Still, I'm crying now.  He is still far away.  And I'm proud and I'm blessed, but I miss him and am still learning how to be available to him from far away.

My second went to college to play football.  Another tearing and fearful moment for this mama.  God sent Julie to help me with the capacity I needed.  I knew how this worked and it was going to be another kind of hard.  He will graduate early in December and I'm so very proud.  And I ache and am torn.  He is not mine alone anymore and he is his own independent man.

My baby left for college this year and turns 19 tomorrow.  The house is quiet and I miss his shoes on the floor and his whistling and singing and laughter.   It's an entirely different level of lonely.  I miss being active in the youth and knowing everyone on the football team and helping with the wrestling team.

It has been my boys themselves who have taught me how to be their Mom through this time.  They have taught me to have faith, to be the home base and how to relate to adult sons!

So today, I hold the children at church more closely and I speak to every little one and young mama in the store and I pray for my neighbor.

Relationships are the base that provide people of all ages the stability to jump and the wind to fly and the nutrients to grow.  

Through all the stages of our lifespans, we need to build ours and others capacity to connect.