HEART'S CRY

December 31, 2012.  The eve before another new year is a great time to close the chapter on the old book and open the first chapter in the new book. Closing the chapter. This morning as I sit warm and toasty in my cozy chair beside by New Year's Tree before a very busy 24 hours begins...I'm grateful. I'm grateful to have this opportunity for closure.  To stand back and take a look at 2012 in all of its greatness, victory and failures and put it into perspective.  From God's point of view my year was a very brief moment in light of eternity. I Praise God for giving me the opportunity to live and to grow.   To have time with my family.  To grow another year older with my husband.  To watch my boys become men.  I am so thankful for God's provision and His protection.  I'm humbled by his grace and mercy in my life.   HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!  Truly.  He knows us and pursues us with His Spirit and love....

The weaning process continues...for Moms and Dads everywhere.    I bumped into friends at the grocery stores who were in the process of steeling themselves and saying good bye to their young adult kids as I am. My thoughts took me back to the ranch where cows stood crying along fence-lines as their babies were weaned from them.  These giant mamas walked a rut into the hard pasture beside the fence as by pacing back and forth; wide mouths with lolling tongues calling worriedly for their babies.   Tuffs of white, black or red fur dotted the barbs on the wire where they had rubbed. The sound of the worried Moms always got to me.  That sound of desperation in their horse voices broke my heart. I get it now. Tomorrow, I take my oldest to the airport where he will get on a plane and fly away.  I won't see him for a long long time.  While my feet will stay planted on the ground, my heart will desperately want to catch and hold him....

The continuous coverage of the nation's fiscal cliff has me thinking about my own.   While I am powerless to make the government do something...I am not powerless in my own life. Am I going to keep going the way I am now until I happily fall of the great abyss?   Walking along the edge,  nose to the ground oblivious to the danger all around me ?   Where are the shepherds?   The shepherds of families, churches and nations?   Are we laying around the sheep pen playing on the computer or watching TV?  Where are the watchmen and women and the prayer warriors at our gates? Where am I?    Am I in a position to shepherd or just ano ther sheep teetering on the edge of my own cliff...financial, physic al and spiritual. Moms, Dads, Pastors and Teachers ...we need to get our lives in order and shepherd the sheep we are responsib le for in our lives.   ...

A few years ago I was not ready to take my tree down so I adapted and improvised. The Christmas decorations came off and the New Year's decorations went on.  Not just any decorations mind you, but rather beautiful paperplates and index cards with New Year's Goals, mission and prayers adorned the tree.  Unfortunately, my boys did not jump up and run to write down their goals and prayer.  However, I have caught them reading mine and the ones that I have for them when no one wa s looking!  Today is the day to turn over a new leaf.   Or a new tree.    Or a new year! While our famil ies might not do cartwheels they do ab sorb ou r attitudes and catch the values that we act on.   O New Year's Tree...O New Year's Tree....... Thy roots and leaves are so unchanging O New Year's Tree...O New Year's Tree Thy roots and leaves are so unchanging Not only gree n it is warm and easy here       But also...

I'm issuing a call to battle for the year 2013 ladies.   Just for us girls.   To live as called women who are intentional in every aspect of our callings and ministries. If our position is at home with babies and little ones...then let's be deliberate.  Knowing that the brains and futures of little bodies and souls depend on those every day boring routines and schedules and activities.  For those with little ones and a jo b ; live integrated as called women in both.  When guilt assaults us from all directions; let's take it by the horns , wrestle it to the ground .  Let's take proactive steps to do what is important. When teenagers are teetering on your perch and would like to rule the roost; your ministry as a called woman is to hold the ropes and stand your ground knowing that your kids need you the most now. Transition s are prime times to seek God and recalibrate our lives to ensure living intentionally and with ...

Jack Frost has decorated our windows. A 3 inch blanket of snow covers every surface only disturbed by the small feet of my dog and a few rabbits. The house is warming up. Quiche is in the oven. The boys are stirring but no one is ready to climb out of bed on this Christmas day. The theme for this Christmas in my heart and in my church has been that Jesus has come as a great light into the dark places of our hearts, minds and world. And it is ugly... The selfishness, greed, jealousy, prideful and people pleasing nature of my heart is laid bare by His light.  A war scene or a wasteland. And it is painful...The closer I get to His presence, the more of the me that I don't want to see is seen.  I'm embarrassed, ashamed and guilty and condemned.  I have a choice to be exposed or to be condemned. And I'm completely helpless...A newborn babe completely vulnerable and naked before the world.  I come to Jesus helpless and unable to do a thing. A...

While I don't know who reads my blog, I do feel a connection to you.    I imagine you pulling up a chair and having coffee with  me at the table of this wild goose chase... called life.     What a paradox internet relationships are.  Distant and yet intimate.    This place of Heart's Cry.  A place to believe, know and hope.  That is my dream for this place. To belie ve in and to BE believed in.   A community hall or a town center.   A park.  Our Blogs. I'm thinking about you this Christmas Eve day and hoping and praying that we truly grasp how much is waiting for us in the New Year.   I'm sending out across the miracle of this world wide web my wishes for a Merry Christmas and a New Year full of grace, faith, hope, joy and peace.

A young man told me that he felt like he couldn't come to youth group because he was struggling with his belief and the stress and pain in his heart.   Church is the perfect place to be when you are struggling with unbelief and to take the pain to.  A pew is not a stoic pedestal for perfect but rather a resting place in the middle of the battle. Another young man and young woman came to church to do some community service as part of diversion.  Before I "put kids to work" I talk to them.  Three hours later, my heart was heavy but the assurance of God, His Word and His truth lifted me up!  "I don't believe in God.  Some person hurt me. My Grandma prays for me.  I've been involved in gangs, drugs, satanism and lots of bad things." The perfect place to be is in church and In the Bible.  The Bible is not a weapon to use against people in a tirade of judgement but rather a weapon to use against lies that bind people up.  This k...

Most of my life is lived in the mundane and the boring or the urgent.  But today was all about making more moments matter in my imperfect and blessed home. All three of my boys are home and have actually been home.  Last night I listened to laughter and stories as they wondered between the PS3 game upstairs or the "Troll Hole" downstairs watching movies .  I sat in the dark upstairs soaking up ever y second!   Today it was more movies, games, fixing and cleaning guns, making marshmallow shooters and hanging out.  I tried to simply stay out of the way and keep the food coming.  Right now my oldest is the instructor but that could change in any moment.   I'm blessed beyond all measure.  Holding my breath.  I don't want this moment to end. The next three days I am going to concentrate on making every single secon d matter!  

Once again, I have to call my Mom and my sisters and apologize.  Apologize for the stress my growing up caused them.  You know, back when "I knew it all and my way was the only way and why couldn't anyone else see it" days.   Back when I longed for independence at all cost while being emotionally insecure and wanting to be with them. And...I'm apologizing to God once again and Praising Him for His uncondit ional Love and Acceptance.  That He allows me to live my life and come to Him at will.  How I must break His heart over and over again.   This new stage of parenting has me all flummoxed and anxious...until I woke up this morning.   Once again , we are going through growing pains.  When they were little and wanted to walk but couldn't...they wanted picked up and put back down changing their  mind as quickly as I could straighten.  I recognize this stage.  It was the same at 3 and 5 and 15ish.  What is...

A little over twenty five years ago my soon to be husband took me to meet his Dad and his Mom, Barb.   She had only been his Mom for about six years but was as Mom to him as if she had given him birth.   I knew right away how special she was to this man that I loved, so of course, I loved her.   Christmas was her favorite time of year.  Making lists, organizing , coordinating parties and dinners made her giddy.  Decorating, planning and buying presents throughout the year for her family was her gift to us. Each year she wrote a Christmas letter sent in beautiful cards with matching labels and stamps and stationary.   This year, I'm writing a Christmas letter to her. Dear Bar b, Hoping this holiday season finds you filled with the joy of a Christmas that I can only imagine now.     As you pull up a chair to the table that God has prepared for you; I can imagine your delight.   For while you w...

I love snow days.  School and work was called off today with blizzard conditions wrapping our little town into its white cocoon of sleepy small town slumber. My oldest is counting the days to get back to his world I think.  What a paradox growing up is.  Wanting to come home and wanting to leave.  Missing family while paradoxically being annoyed and frustrated.  Moving from adolescence and young adulthood into a full fledged man.  Shuffling and settling into new positions and new roles.  Making one's own way while respecting the way we have come from.  It is a tough transition...for all of us. And yet...I'm so proud of my oldest and the man he has become.  I respect his tenacity and character.  He holds himself in such a way demands respect and encourages connection.  He is so handsome and capable and bright.  My Mom's heart worries about his.  "Protect your heart," I remind him.  Keep it soft and tuned in....

Cold air in refrigerators and food to keep cold Fuel pumps in Suburbans that had gotten too o ld Tow trucks and repairmen with knowing smiles Rear windows made of glass -ready for more miles! These are a few of my favorite things ! Laughing while stranded  beside the road with my oldest son who has gotten so bold He takes care of it all while his hand I want to hold! These are a few of my favorite things!     Phone calls from college with request f or study aids .. Mom, we are ready for that pizza tonight. Thank you and love you and see you's... These are a few of my favorite things!    Rescued by my husband  and cuddled up warm in the back seat Listening to conversation, laughter and lessons. These are a few of my favorite things! Greeted at home by my youngest A smile and a mischievous grin Wh ile he leaves to do chores on a cold winter night. These are a few of my favorite things! F riends...