What The Heck? Have you ever had this question rumble out of your head and through your mouth when dealing with your own or others' feelings?
I know I have!
However, one of my pet peeves is the use of terms, phrases and words without definition or context.
One of these phrases is "organizing feelings." I get that it is the taking responsibility for our own feelings as healthy boundaries.
Adults have to have healthy boundaries with our own feelings so our children bump into those healthy boundaries and we in turn "help them" with their own feelings.
What exactly does it look like?
In an ideal world, this is a natural process of interaction within relationship as a child. As a child we learn these amazing processes (either healthy or not) without even knowing it. As an adult, we continue the interaction process we learned without knowing it, and pass it on without knowing it, to our children.
Imagine a white board plastered with post it notes. Each post it note has a feeling. Can't imagine enough feelings to cover a white board? Google feeling inventory and you will be amazed. For an example, check out http://nvctraining.com/classroom/mod/resource/view.php?id=20.
Back to the white board plastered with post-it notes.
It's overwhelming. Imagine this within a typical family of four people, all having these feelings in a variety of ways and times. Add to this mix, exhaustion, stress and everyday demands.
TA DA...
The perfect emotional soup.
I was going to say storm but am in to soup right now.
Soup simmers. Once the ingredients are thrown into the pot, it becomes difficult to sort them out.
Without organization and individual responsibility of feelings as adults. Without helping our children organize their feelings...our emotional environment can become a toxic, nasty soupy mess.
No one individual knows which are their feelings and which are not.
Now tell me that it is my job as a caregiver to support the organization of my child? WTH????
What's an exasperated parent to do?
First things first.
Identify, naming and owning our own feelings.
Support our kid in their feelings.
Validate.
Name their feelings.
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