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Grieving Our Deepest Wounding and Heart's Desires


My friend posted beautiful pictures of my horses.  She captures their essence perfectly.

Emotion threatened to completely suffocate my heart.  I had to shut down the pictures.  Avoid, my brained screamed to avoid the pain.

Accept, I remind myself.

You see some of the deepest wounds and cries of our heart are so near the surface of our identity. Our defenses so well practiced and preserved and we implicitly hide behind them unknowingly.  Until a moment, brings us to our knees.

The deepest cries of my heart revolve around horses and wide open prairies.  Tall grasses.  Harsh seasons and gentle rains.  The stars and the moon and the wind and horses.  Always horses.  

You see, these girls represent my deepest desires and my most honest longings.  These are the friends I fled to in the early morning hours or the middle watches of the night.  They heard my pleas to God and my joy.  They helped me raise my boys.

It is my shame that I am not where I thought I would be in my life.  And such a joy to see this beautiful family loving them.  My girls are together as a family.  Loved.   Children's hands caressing their noses.  Little arms wrapping around their necks.  

My answer to prayer and my joy and my pain.

Isn't this is how life is?  The greatest joys and the deepest shame join together in the ceaseless journey of our lives?  

Fashioning the exquisite grounding of our lives and legacies.





 Please check out Suzanne Bullock's pictures on her beautiful website! 

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