Working With Families While They Work With Me

All of my adult life, I have worked with children and families.  Church, daycare, childcare, preschool, health and human services and now with the Early Development Network.  

During this time I've raised my boys, finished degrees and completed as many professional development classes as possible.  

Guess what I have learned?

Families know what is best for their children.  

They don't need one more person telling them what to do, but rather a coach to come along side them to validate and ask questions to help them develop their plan.

Colleges and departments and programs offer countless research opportunities, classes, degrees and advice on engaging families.  Whether it is church, education or social services...the experts are working feverishly to fix the kids or the family.

When in all reality, it is the same as forcing a plant to grow.  It is not healthy.  What seeds need to grow is the environment and us to get out of the way.  My job as a gardener is to take away barriers for the plants to grow not to tell the plant how and what to grow.

Unconditional acceptance.

My job with families is to get myself and my own agenda and sense of expertise out of the way.  

Now it is called being a family and early childhood coach but this is not a new phenomenon.  

 It's  a handy title and some really mean it.  It is not a term or a name.

 It is a way of thinking and believing that is found in pockets throughout many disciplines.  

While every discipline seems to think that their model/title is the way to go...it is found throughout society wherever good people with hearts full of belief for individuals and their families.

I've seen paras who are the best coaches and administrators who have that title without the heart.  Social workers who promote the family and politicians who use families as a reason to argue funding.

The best coaches I've ever seen are not those in power but rather those who are truly making long term differences for children.

Want to know who is a good coach and who is doing a job?  Check out the engagement.  Is this person getting phone calls after the official service just to get some validation for their next step or to share a celebration?  Do the kids, the youth, the families no longer need you or rely on you and your system?  Isn't that a good thing?

 Authentic relationships happening?

The person in your circle who are pointing out the positive in the family and the child...tend to know the family in an authentic way.  

Affirmation without authenticity is just professional power and control. 

Joe Dunn is an expert coach.  He is 80 some years old and a greeter in our church that has impacted significantly the kids and adults of our church.  When he opens the door with a smile for the broken single mom...he has given her the ultimate gift.  He mentors and coaches the men.

Ruth-my teacher.  Aunt Ally.  Frank and Brenda Raper and Brother Meyers (college).

My Mom, Mother-in-law and my Grandmas.   The white haired ladies in church and co-workers.  

The families who have taught me all I know.  These are the true experts.  

They have tons to teach us all.  

Now it is up to us to listen humbly and to learn.