HEART'S CRY

Arm's length living. We live in a world of fear and trivial relationships. A world of "relationship poverty," according to Dr. Bruce Perry. A world of making things complicated and living in ambiguity. Safe, dangerous, real and fake and confused world. An arm's length world.  Arm's length living. Keep others at arm's length AT ALL COSTS. Don't get involved or say anything or make a stand. Don't make waves or challenge or think. We like our arm's length world. If we judge, criticize and completely live with our wall held firmly in place around us. Create programs and strategies. Have a meeting or a committee. Create chaos and busyness. Stay locked up in procrastination and slothfulness. Run and hide. We are bunnies.  I want to be a lion. What we need instead in our world: Leaders who stand on a universal truth. Men and women whose yes is yes and who believe in right and wrong. ...

I remember the Christmas Santa brought me a small 45 record case and records.  Ahh Kenny Rogers and Alabama and Journey filled my mind. "You got to know when to hold them.  Know when to hold them. Know when to walk away.  Know when to run." It is funny how these songs from my childhood pop into my mind at weird times. (Trust me, we are getting to a spiritual truth soon.) Joshua was made the leader of the Israelite as they headed back to the promised land.  Remember, they had messed up the first time around and had to wonder the desert for 40 years until they were ready to listen. This story is fascinating to me as Joshua didn't just take off willy nilly into the fray hoping God would clean up the pieces, as sometimes do.  He followed God.  God told him to hold position or attack. Adam Barr in his "Exploring the Story" states, "Joshua must have experienced deja vu as he entered the Promised Land.  He had stood in the same plac...

Did you know in order to grow and move forward, we have to be honest with ourselves, God and others?  To acknowledge.  To confess. Seems to be a simple enough statement.  The information is easy to grasp.  It's the doing that leaves me breathless from exertion.    I remember my experience with the hidden weed behind the garage. There is a tall weed hiding behind my garage that needed pulled.  Simple statement.  I walk out and simply grab and pull it out?  Right.  The ground is hardened from lack of water and the roots are very deep.   Naively I grab the stem to yank out of the ground, and find myself holding my hand in pain where it cut me.   Since I learn so quickly, I grab and yank more.  Pride and stubbornness prevail and I work harder at yanking until all of the leaves are stripped and the roots are still solidly in the ground. Do I quit?  Absolutely not.  Yet.  I get the hose and ...

Just to be clear, I'm not nurturing simple thinking or being a simpleton. I want to nurture simplicity and simple being. My husband preached this Sunday the last sermon in his series on the Lord's prayer.  It was profound and simple in only the way He can make it.  He spoke of the "passion for complexity and tolerance of ambiguity" our culture embraces.  He spoke of the mindlessness doing things for the sake of doing them and our seeming desire to complicate every aspect of our lives. Hoops, programs, policies, committees, measuring for measuring's sake and complicating our lives in the name of progressiveness. The New Testament was written in the everyday language of the time.  "Just above grunts and giggles," he stated.  I believe God wanted His Word and His way simple.  He wanted to be available to every single person. So simple a caveman could do it.  O.k. so I'm not good at jokes. There is a little truth to it. I a...

I wonder if I will ever learn?  Learn to surrender before being broken.   Broken surrender seems to be the only way to reach the cry of my heart.  The cry of, "I'm done.  I quit.  You take over."  It's more feeling deep within my heart then a prayer from my mouth.  Words fall short.   Working harder or running away isn't working.   Anxious activity is like boxing the air. Distraction, avoidance and procrastination certainly doesn't help. Fighting?  For a while, until the adrenalin wears out. Pumping up faith like we used to do with my Grandma's well pump leaves me exhausted. Nope. A cry of surrender. I need the great physician to place his healing hand on my brokenness as I've been trying to heal and fix it on my own. This time the symptoms revolve around money and my lack of handling it well.  The point of the pain I don't want to face. However, the symptoms radiate out from a heart that needs Him.   ...

The eyes have it. The look. The, "I want you to notice me, experience me and help me to know my life matters," look. Eyes are scanning.  Picking up the subtleties and trying to read the language. Eyes give the message, "I see you."  "I am listening."  "You matter." Or the questions.  "Do I matter?"  "Do you see me?"  "Am I known?" Tonight I watched middle schoolers who were helping at a fundraiser.  While doing their jobs they watched to see if others are noticing.  A thumbs up or a smile matters. In the stands with my husband by a few more middle school students.  A young man picks us out and by half time is sitting by us.  Why?  We listened.  He told us about his game and the plays on the field in front of us.  Kept us up to date as to what was happening.  By half time, he knew we thought he mattered. If only I could be still more often.  Be still and watch.   ...

Nebraska is in the national news right now.  For our amazing Medical Center and their care of Ebola patients.   We are proud! And for an article from a teacher in Lincoln Public Schools for referring to children as Purple Penguins instead of boys and girls.  We are not proud. So being called a purple penguin instead of a boy or girl will help our children embrace their identity and learn who they are?  This is so beyond disturbing to me.   It is dehumanizing.   It is the same as "that ADHD kid," or those "retarded kids."  Cheerleaders are air heads and football players are dumb.  Poor people have children who are not capable to read. Etc. Etc. Etc. NO, they are people.  Individual and precious hearts, minds and souls.  Strong and capable with individual strengths and gifts. More of the pouring everyone in to one big proverbial soup where differences are shamed and lines are blurred.   This...

"Again," I greeted my sink of dishes this morning.  As if it is some sort of surprise they are there.   "I thought you were done," I chuckled.  I really dislike dishes. I'm not sure if I was talking to the dogs, myself, the dishes themselves or the air; nevertheless, it was quite the passionate argument as I made coffee. "Ahh, this is why you dishes and laundry drive me nuts," I expand.  "You are never done.  I can't wash you and move on.  You come back over and over again."   Picturing "Chip" from Beauty and the Beast makes me laugh. Dishes and laundry are so much like my relationships and my spiritual life I realize.  Neither life nor relationships are a series of tasks to complete.  A silo activity to be moved on from and dragging ourselves back to. Our lives and our relationships are a dynamic daily process.  The daily building upon, doing over and continuing are the stuff relationships are mad...

I'm so excited to reconnect with you and pray you are listening to your Heart's cry! For months, I stood on the edge of a cliff.  A cliff  I've walked up to and backed down from thousands of time.  I've finally jumped. July 31st was the last day of a very amazing and safe job.  I loved the people I was able to meet and the professional learning.  However, it had also become death by a thousand paper cuts to my dreams,  I lost my computer, office, identity and routine.   For a month and a half, I wondered through limbo.   I hid.  I felt disconnected and afraid.  I read and wrote in my journal.  Blown about by winds of change.  Like the brown leaves seeking a place to land. Fear drove me and I wanted to take new job opportunities and jump on board new causes.    Grief gripped me and surprised me.  In counting the cost, this loss of relationships was not factored in.  I thought the friends from work ...