Roots of Fear and Tendrils of Sin within my Heart's Nest

Did you know in order to grow and move forward, we have to be honest with ourselves, God and others?  To acknowledge.  To confess.

Seems to be a simple enough statement.  The information is easy to grasp.  It's the doing that leaves me breathless from exertion.   

I remember my experience with the hidden weed behind the garage.

There is a tall weed hiding behind my garage that needed pulled.  Simple statement.  I walk out and simply grab and pull it out?  Right.  The ground is hardened from lack of water and the roots are very deep.   Naively I grab the stem to yank out of the ground, and find myself holding my hand in pain where it cut me.  

Since I learn so quickly, I grab and yank more.  Pride and stubbornness prevail and I work harder at yanking until all of the leaves are stripped and the roots are still solidly in the ground.

Do I quit?  Absolutely not.  Yet.  I get the hose and soak the ground.  Yep, I water the weeds.  Finally, the ground is flooded enough to allow a little movement.  As the ground moves, more water seeps in.  Finally, I pull the weed out.

However, two weeks later finds me staring again at the spot behind the garage.  The water worked and countless baby weeds had begun.  I begin to turn away until I remember the giant hardened weed...and I pull those babies out.

I have a giant weed in hardened soil established deep within my heart. 

 It's roots go deep within my being and its tendrils spread throughout my heart, mind and soul.  I yank the leaves off.  It is still there.  I knock it down and cover it up. 
Impacting every area of my life.

Fear.

Roots of fear and tendrils of sin.

Mostly, I keep it controlled and hidden.  Then days like today strip control away.  A wisp and a vapor, a trigger, a tremor and then a earthquake.

My boys mean everything to me and they have grown up.  They have become their own men.  

They either have or are leaving the nest.  My nest.

The nest I've faithfully tended and nurtured.  It is filled with treasure.  Small feathers, rocks and pieces of 23 precious years of three little boys.  The nest expanded and emptied with surprising speed.

I'm terrified.  I'm scared.  

I'm out of control and afraid.  

Scared something will happen to them.

Scared I will lose them.

Scared of the changes.
Scared of the empty nest.

I had to walk in to my heart and face this fear.  Soak the ground and pull the weed.  Draw near to God, confess the ugliness and the sin to God and to others.  

Surrender.  Let go.  

Release myself to God's care and weeding.

Release my boys to Him to care for and protect.  To trust His omniscience and omnipresence.

For them to go from my nest to under His wings.

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:16  The reverse of this scripture is also true according to Douglass Weiss in his book, Get a Grip.  "That he or she who keeps their faults a secret from others doesn't heal, and their prayers don't appear to be that effective."  He continues, "being honest with our hearts (that knows our flaws and weaknesses) takes real effort."