Skip to main content

Marriage After Children Grow Up


I was an 18 year old fiesty country girl when we met and 19 when we married.  My first was born soon after my 21st birthday.

That was soon to be 27 years ago.

Feels surreal to type those numbers.  It just doesn't seem like it has been 27 years.  It's been a long haul trip for both of us...probably for him more than me!   For the past 25 years, he has been a bi vocational Pastor.  His most recent gig (14 years) has been a surgery technician.

Our boys are men and very capable young men at that.  Able to provide for themselves and live independent lives.  Parent loans are all that is left of our responsibilities.  And, maybe some remodeling. And a vehicle replacement for just the two of us.

We wanted our children right away and wanted to spend ourselves on being the best parents we could be.  Not perfect.  We never came anywhere close to perfect.  But, we were all in and wanted to make our boys, our focus.  And we did.

Although, we found some time to spend together as a couple and worked on our marriage as issues came up and we had great intentions of finding new hobbies together...we didn't quite get there.

Our kids have grown up and we are busy trying figure out this next stage.  We will be playing catch up financially for a while yet, but we know we have to spend some reinventing.  Not just reinventing ourselves, but reinventing and re-imagining our marriage.

Finding a new identity in being us.  Finding ways after work to connect and find interest to pursue together has to be intentional.  And yes...we did buy a bird book.  We want to spend some time hiking and enjoying nature.  Finding a spot to fit our second (more like 10th) careers and to submerge ourselves in to creating.

It's scary, uncomfortable, exciting and kind of lonely at times.  Overwhelming as we see the needs in our parents and know our grown children will someday have those miraculous creatures called "Grandchildren," and we can't wait for that.

If you are married and little ones still crowd in on the couch or middle schoolers crowd you out...spend some time imagining marriage after children.  Spend some time working on that as well!!!



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

1940 Canned Apple Butter: Family Root Cellar

I loved exploration as a child.  From opening the door and going down the stairs to get something from my Grandma's root cellar or exploring old homesteads while checking cows.  I credit my Mom with teaching us to appreciate those things that represented the people who had gone before us. When I moved with my husband and boys to a house on the family ranch-I began exploring immediately.  This was the house my Aunt and Uncle lived in during my childhood.  My Grandparents had lived there and many other families dating back to 1900 when it was built.   With two little boys in tow, I made my way to the root cellar and found a treasure cove.  Old text books belonging to the original family who had been a teacher, the original medicine cupboard, tools, trash and memorabilia.   I felt like an archeologist sifting through layers of debris representing generations and culture.  And I was.  I hauled truckloads of trash to the dump (some...
4 comments
Read more

Diabetes-Opened to Disease OR Open to Connecting to my Strengths

I've tried living in denial for two years after the big D diagnoses was handed over.  Honestly, I just don't want to talk about it.  Outwardly seemly calm and disconnected from it.  Inwardly terrified. As a plant that is stressed is open to disease, injury and death so to our bodies are.  I opened myself up to this.  Stress, lack of sleep, bad nutrition, overweight and lack of exercise.  For some reason I believed that if I ran fast enough and worked hard enough, I would outrun my family genes.  The tiny room in the back of my brain locked with a key has kept the fear of this disease at bay even though I could hear its screaming when life quieted down. My Aunt died piece by piece to this disease.  First a heart attack and quadruple by-pass.  Then a toe.  Next a foot.  Legs came next along with more heart attacks.  Kidneys shutting down.  She died very young. When I was little, my Aunt Ally gave herself s...
4 comments
Read more

Green Space and Green Houses...(Long Sigh)

Finally...I went to the greenhouse!  One of my favorite places to go.  Magical places where plants reach out to me as I walk down the aisles!  It is almost as if they are jumping right into my arms!  Touching various textures of velvet, hairy, smooth and delicate.  Sensory buffet of smells from the sweet, sharp and the musty smell of potting soil mixing together in amazing harmony! With my bounty of found treasure I carry my package with great care to the car and then to my shed.  Tomorrow, I tell myself.  Tomorrow I will plant them.....but then I see that empty pot.  O.k. just one.  I'll just plant one tonight. The vines have covered my livestock panels creating a beautiful green wall over the dilapidated fence.  My butterfly bush, Russian sage and other plants are knee high.  Day lillies and hostas are competing for attention.  A respite in my yard. But it is not just me.  Our brains are wired to need g...
2 comments
Read more