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Marriage After Children Grow Up


I was an 18 year old fiesty country girl when we met and 19 when we married.  My first was born soon after my 21st birthday.

That was soon to be 27 years ago.

Feels surreal to type those numbers.  It just doesn't seem like it has been 27 years.  It's been a long haul trip for both of us...probably for him more than me!   For the past 25 years, he has been a bi vocational Pastor.  His most recent gig (14 years) has been a surgery technician.

Our boys are men and very capable young men at that.  Able to provide for themselves and live independent lives.  Parent loans are all that is left of our responsibilities.  And, maybe some remodeling. And a vehicle replacement for just the two of us.

We wanted our children right away and wanted to spend ourselves on being the best parents we could be.  Not perfect.  We never came anywhere close to perfect.  But, we were all in and wanted to make our boys, our focus.  And we did.

Although, we found some time to spend together as a couple and worked on our marriage as issues came up and we had great intentions of finding new hobbies together...we didn't quite get there.

Our kids have grown up and we are busy trying figure out this next stage.  We will be playing catch up financially for a while yet, but we know we have to spend some reinventing.  Not just reinventing ourselves, but reinventing and re-imagining our marriage.

Finding a new identity in being us.  Finding ways after work to connect and find interest to pursue together has to be intentional.  And yes...we did buy a bird book.  We want to spend some time hiking and enjoying nature.  Finding a spot to fit our second (more like 10th) careers and to submerge ourselves in to creating.

It's scary, uncomfortable, exciting and kind of lonely at times.  Overwhelming as we see the needs in our parents and know our grown children will someday have those miraculous creatures called "Grandchildren," and we can't wait for that.

If you are married and little ones still crowd in on the couch or middle schoolers crowd you out...spend some time imagining marriage after children.  Spend some time working on that as well!!!



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