Skip to main content

I'm crying because...There Goes My Everything...


I get emotional at the weirdest times.  Sitting at my table or working in my yard and I just begin to cry.  Ridiculous.  "Where did that come from?"  My middle son graduates in six weeks, my big son is far away from me and my little one...isn't little anymore and drives me around.

"Why are you crying again?" my husband asks.  "Cause I am ...o.k." is my standard answer.

Why am I crying?

I'm crying because I love and treasure these three babies of mine.  Sometimes my joy, pride and love just spills out.  I'm blessed beyond measure.

I'm crying because I don't know what to do with this tide of feelings.  Proud.  Happy. Head held high.  Knowing that my boys are hard workers, love learning, are thoughtful leaders and love their mama!

I'm crying because I miss holding them.  Because at the strangest times I want to touch them and just make sure we are connected and they are good.

I'm crying because I was a stupid young mom.  I wasted time and energy on things that didn't amount to a hill of beans.

I'm crying because of a deep longing that I have for my boys to serve God, to find a wife who adores them and to follow the calling of their lives.  I want the world for them.

I'm crying because I'm feeling sorry for myself and old.  And I'm not even pms-ing.

I'm crying because....Cause I am!

I'm crying because...

"There goes my life.  There goes my future, my everything."  
Kenny Chesney sings this song just for me.   




Comments

Popular posts from this blog

1940 Canned Apple Butter: Family Root Cellar

I loved exploration as a child.  From opening the door and going down the stairs to get something from my Grandma's root cellar or exploring old homesteads while checking cows.  I credit my Mom with teaching us to appreciate those things that represented the people who had gone before us. When I moved with my husband and boys to a house on the family ranch-I began exploring immediately.  This was the house my Aunt and Uncle lived in during my childhood.  My Grandparents had lived there and many other families dating back to 1900 when it was built.   With two little boys in tow, I made my way to the root cellar and found a treasure cove.  Old text books belonging to the original family who had been a teacher, the original medicine cupboard, tools, trash and memorabilia.   I felt like an archeologist sifting through layers of debris representing generations and culture.  And I was.  I hauled truckloads of trash to the dump (some...

Letter to me with Young Boys

(The challenge today is to write a letter to myself of something I know now, I wish I would have known then.) Dear Heather I'm writing to you this morning to remind you how truly fast this time of your life will go and how you will long for it in a few short years. As I write this, I know you will shake your head fiercely and maybe even snort out a curt remark. May 1st, 1991.  You turned 21 in February and became a mom in April. You will be moving soon to begin your ministry. Right now you feel as if the key to your heart was placed in your arms just one week ago. You look in those brown eyes and can't imagine anything else in time. Hold on to that. In a few short years he will be a man and live far away. You will remember the days of him in your arms and will cherish every second. Stop worrying about what people think and about money and what you should do. It will all work out the way it should. You concentrate on being with....

Diabetes-Opened to Disease OR Open to Connecting to my Strengths

I've tried living in denial for two years after the big D diagnoses was handed over.  Honestly, I just don't want to talk about it.  Outwardly seemly calm and disconnected from it.  Inwardly terrified. As a plant that is stressed is open to disease, injury and death so to our bodies are.  I opened myself up to this.  Stress, lack of sleep, bad nutrition, overweight and lack of exercise.  For some reason I believed that if I ran fast enough and worked hard enough, I would outrun my family genes.  The tiny room in the back of my brain locked with a key has kept the fear of this disease at bay even though I could hear its screaming when life quieted down. My Aunt died piece by piece to this disease.  First a heart attack and quadruple by-pass.  Then a toe.  Next a foot.  Legs came next along with more heart attacks.  Kidneys shutting down.  She died very young. When I was little, my Aunt Ally gave herself s...